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Board:
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The (2002)
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Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Tue Feb 25 19:02:04)
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Because of Aiwendil's bidding, I have started a haiku text. Please add your own. NastyBoy, you had a good one. Could you reprint it here?

#1 (by Legolas)
Ladies think I'm hot,
But Boromir is now dead.
"Let's go hunt some orc."

#2 (by Legolas)
I love my long hair
And my young girlish visage.
Gimli is jealous.

# 3 (by Gimli)
Watch Legolas fight.
"Ai! Ai! A Balrog is come!"
See Legolas run.

#4 (by Legolas)
What's wrong with Gimli?
Watch Gimli fall off his horse.
Quick, hide his malt beer!

#5 (by Gandalf)
"Fouler things than orcs
in deep places of the Earth"--
Unwashed Hobbit feet.



________________________________________________________________________________
"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - NastyBoy (Tue Feb 25 19:10:39)
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Miscounting Orcs' heads
Is in the nature of Dwarfs
Just don't tell the Elf.

__________________________
Toss me…
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - NastyBoy (Tue Feb 25 19:54:58)
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Nine companions start
Boromir was the first death
Gandalf was a ruse


Into Moria
Crash! Uh oh, fool of a Took!
Balrogs are scary


__________________________
Toss me…
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Tue Feb 25 20:00:17)
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Elves think they fight well,
But I need no pansy bow.
Don't toss me -- bite me.



________________________________________________________________________________
"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
LOTR Job Complaint Haiku
  by - adalheidis (Tue Feb 25 19:59:09)
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UPDATED Tue Feb 25 20:15:40

LOTR Job Complaint Haiku

(by Boromir)
Thirty-eight orcs dead!
Uh-oh, this one's really big.
And he has a bow.

(by Bill the Pony)
I don't mind the snow
But tentacles are too much.
See you back in Bree.

(by Gwaihir)
Ferrying Gandalf
Puts a strain on my talons.
No more large cargo!

(by Gollum)
We hates the fat one.
He glares and sneers, my precious.
She will have him soon.

(by Eowyn)
Okay, I've had it
With staying at home alone.
Wish I were a boy.

(by Galadriel)
You know, just this once
I'd like to appear without
Eerie lights glowing.

(by Faramir)
I don't know, I feel
As though I'm not quite myself.
Has this job changed me?

(by Grima)
They hurt my feelings.
Best get back to Isengard.
Uh-oh - I can't swim!

(by the Cave Troll)
Look, little people!
Maybe we can play a game -
I hope they like me!


_______________________________________
She is fearless and high-hearted. All love her.
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - Aiwendil (Tue Feb 25 20:02:11)
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Well, since it was my suggestion, I guess I should contribute. Keep in mind it's the effort that counts!

#1 (by Faramir)
Aragorn, you cad.
Claim the throne, but remember
Eowyn is mine!

#2 (by Gollum)
Raw tender coney,
A meal fit for a king--
Stupid, fat hobbit! {last line must be shrieked for full effect}

"May the wind under your wings bear you where the sun sails and the moon walks."
WARNING!! Spoiler Haiku
  by - NastyBoy (Tue Feb 25 20:14:14)
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Tricksey Hobbitses!
The Precious is at last mine!
Gollum! Gollum! Bite!


__________________________
Toss me…
Re: WARNING!! Spoiler Haiku
  by - Aiwendil (Tue Feb 25 20:23:45)
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(by Frodo)
Oh look, it's Mount Doom.
Precious ... this ring is pretty.
Maybe I'll keep it.

"May the wind under your wings bear you where the sun sails and the moon walks."
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - Registered_User (Tue Feb 25 20:25:16)
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Hobbit feet run strong,
briskly through vine and sun's path,
Gandalf spells the way.

Who knows the wonders,
that may lie in such a ring
of untapped power?

Only Gollum knows,
for Frodo and Samwise tread,
blindly as he leads.

Despair and sorrow,
awaits those who go creeping
in Moria's Mines.

I'm actually sort of proud of these...

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/peoplesfrontof_m-e/
@~~ Renee @~~
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Tue Feb 25 20:32:34)
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Hey thanks, Renee, for bringing a little class to this thread. Those are good and a little more in the spirit of true haiku.

________________________________________________________________________________
"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - Registered_User (Tue Feb 25 20:35:24)
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Thanks.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/peoplesfrontof_m-e/
@~~ Renee @~~
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Tue Feb 25 20:45:16)
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UPDATED Tue Feb 25 20:50:13

I hope by saying that to Renee nobody thought I was implying that no one else here had any class. I just meant Renee's were more serious (as well as being well written) instead of the funny things that some others are writing. Darn it...

Foot is firmly placed
In Darth Imrahil's big mouth.
Now I have no class.

________________________________________________________________________________
"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth...
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - Registered_User (Tue Feb 25 20:49:19)
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I don't always put effort into my writing! LOL, I posted the following original work on a HP fan site:

Gilderoy, Gilderoy, I love you!
Chickens go 'cluck' and cows go 'moo',
maybe one day you'll love me, too!


Now we are all even.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/peoplesfrontof_m-e/
@~~ Renee @~~
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - Aiwendil (Tue Feb 25 20:51:41)
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No worries, DI, I have no pretensions about my haikus having any class whatsoever. Renee's were quite good, though. (Lest my foot have a similar fate, let me just say that I've liked all the ones that have been posted. Especially the one about Bill the Pony.)

"May the wind under your wings bear you where the sun sails and the moon walks."
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - NastyBoy (Tue Feb 25 21:38:01)
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Yeah Bill the Pony was cool, although at first glance I misread the word "tentacles". Combined with complaining about walking through deep snow, it took on a different meaning altogether!


__________________________
Toss me…
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - Aiwendil (Tue Feb 25 21:45:47)
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"May the wind under your wings bear you where the sun sails and the moon walks."
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Tue Feb 25 20:27:26)
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Imrahil, Nasty... Those were great! Especially the 'see Legolas run' and 'just don't tell the elf'

I fear not the shadows of Men
[Post deleted]

This message has been deleted by the poster
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Tue Feb 25 21:57:30)
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I hate it when replies get deleted before I see them!

I fear not the shadows of Men
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - fleabite (Tue Feb 25 20:48:03)
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Stone bones and ice skin,
fists of snow, breath cold and thin,
deadly Caradhras.

Galadriel fair,
hair coloured not with sun, but
with leaves of Mallorn.

Shadows in the flame,
darkness wreathed with burning rage,
flames licking shadow.

The road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Good Haiku!!!
  by - NastyBoy (Tue Feb 25 21:02:13)
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Fleabite, you give good Haiku!!!
Those are putting my tacky efforts to shame. I can't compete with these serious ones, so I'll just stick to the funny stuff.

Greyhame, Orodruin!
Wizards shape the future of men.
Nice pointy hat, too!

(Orodruin needs to be pronouced Orodroon, 3 syllables to be a proper Haiku)


__________________________
Toss me…
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - jensma28 (Tue Feb 25 21:15:59)
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We hassess six teeth
And we only eat raw fish
We had to practice.
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - NastyBoy (Tue Feb 25 21:41:28)
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Darth Imrahil, friends!
This is the funniest thread
Tolkien Haiku rock!


__________________________
Toss me…
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - Vince_Barley (Tue Feb 25 22:19:02)
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                                         F*cking Oscar shock
                                        Jackson not nominated    
                                        What the f*ck is that?

"It can only be attributable to human error."
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - ThaiBreaker (Tue Feb 25 22:54:45)
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Statue's fate unwound,
Peter cares not for acclaim,
for his purse is full.

"I never could get the hang of Thursdays."
-Douglas Adams, RIS
Bad Bump Haiku
  by - Aiwendil (Wed Feb 26 08:14:06)
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Bump bump bump bump bump,
Poke poke, "bumpy bumpy bump."
Bump bump bumpity.

"May the wind under your wings bear you where the sun sails and the moon walks."
Re: Bad Bump Haiku
  by - Registered_User (Wed Feb 26 09:16:10)
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Is that my heart's poke?
Long have I waited to bump
with my sweet lover.

And all I loved, I loved alone...
@~~Renee @~~
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - jensma28 (Wed Feb 26 16:18:09)
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Fun loving, sweet, true
So macho jerks call them gay
I'd date hobbit guys!
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - NastyBoy (Wed Feb 26 16:24:14)
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Long have you waited
NastyBoy sleeps no longer
Return of the King!


__________________________
Toss me…
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - Anarya (Wed Feb 26 16:40:30)
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Tom Bombadil-o
Goldberry, and yellow boots
I control Willow

Wild Shieldmaiden
"Must I leave my own people"
Rohan's White Lady

Well, I tried, but it is more difficult than it looks!
Shortcuts make delays, but inns make longer ones!
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - NastyBoy (Wed Feb 26 16:52:33)
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Mustn't be hasty!
Much time is needed for Ent speech
Haiku are too short

__________________________
Toss me…
Why don't I shut up? Yet more Haiku.
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Wed Feb 26 17:58:11)
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#1
Sad pathetic trolls
Don't cry lonely little trolls.
Someday you'll grow up.

#2
Writing haiku about
"Lord of the Rings" means too much
Free time on my hands

#3
Arwen...Eowyn
Both beauties love Aragorn.
So he kissed a horse?


________________________________________________________________________________
"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - GaugeMistress (Wed Feb 26 18:36:00)
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The name of this thread
is misleading to readers.
"Excellent Haiku"

Seriously, I truly do appreciate the art form more after reading this collection.

"If you're not for yourself, then who will be for you? If you're only for yourself, what are you?"
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - NastyBoy (Wed Feb 26 19:38:33)
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Thank you Gauge Mistress
We appreciate your praise
Darth deserves it most
__________________________
Toss me…
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Wed Feb 26 19:44:53)
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"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - NastyBoy (Wed Feb 26 19:51:48)
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This is wierd, I am intentionally now NOT writing a haiku. Its taking a conscious effort. Since this thread started, I've been counting syllables in my head whenever I speak. I'm starting to worry about my sanity, but not my fun levels.

I reckon you could write the entire LOTR in Haiku, one per chapter. For example, the journey through Moria could be, to quote one of my own from earlier

Into Moria
Crash! Uh oh, fool of a Took!
Balrogs are scary

It loses some of the detail, but hey, in 3 lines what can you do?
____________________
Toss me…
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Wed Feb 26 19:59:04)
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Dear God, Nasty
I thought I was alone in this affliction. I, too, find myself constantly counting syllables. I actually get excited when I find a short word that conveys a lot of meaning, like its efficient or something. I keep getting worried that people are going to catch me tapping my fingers as I talk. I been thinking about weening myself off haiku with limericks... It took all of my willpower to try not to write this in haiku.
________________________________________________________________________________
"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - Aiwendil (Wed Feb 26 20:03:06)
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Limericks!!! I was just thinking about how the next logical thread would be "Bad LOTR Limericks". (I was working on a "There was a young elf from Mirkwood..." idea earlier today.)

"May the wind under your wings bear you where the sun sails and the moon walks."
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - NastyBoy (Wed Feb 26 20:28:47)
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Keep going Aiwendil, I'm waiting to see what you rhyme with Mirkwood


__________________________
Toss me…
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - Aiwendil (Thu Feb 27 06:53:20)
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Looks like legolas of mirkwood beat me to it!

I was also thinking about "There once was an Uruk named Ugluk..." but I doubt I'm gonna finish that one. (Yeah, I know you don't pronounce Ugluk that way, but not everyone knows that...)

"May the wind under your wings bear you where the sun sails and the moon walks."
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Wed Feb 26 20:09:08)
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UPDATED Wed Feb 26 20:09:29

Imrahil and Nasty trying not to write in haiku...



You guys are nuts!

I fear not the shadows of Men
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Wed Feb 26 20:18:05)
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Darn it Legolas.
I can't stop this addiction.
What do you suggest?


________________________________________________________________________________
"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - NastyBoy (Wed Feb 26 20:26:54)
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I too have problems
This form is so addictive
I doubt I can stop

__________________________
Toss me…
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - Aiwendil (Wed Feb 26 19:54:05)
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Thirteen dwarves in sacks
Above ground, three hungry trolls
The early sun peeks

"May the wind under your wings bear you where the sun sails and the moon walks."
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - BeornTheBee-man (Wed Feb 26 20:30:34)
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UPDATED Wed Feb 26 20:31:18

Arwen at the ford -
Where the hell is Glorfindel?
I am quite confused.

Unlucky Frodo!
Old Bilbo had better luck
with his magic ring.

Riddles in the dark -
Do the contents of pockets
make a fair question?

Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Wed Feb 26 20:38:16)
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My only two serious attempts:

#1
She has passed the test.
Light fading into the West.
Autumn of the Elves.

#2
Prison with no walls.
Trapped, with only one small hope.
Salvation on wings.



This may be a cry for help. I suspect I need an intervention!
Perhaps I'll try Lady-of-Rohan's Therapy Thread!
________________________________________________________________________________
"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - fleabite (Thu Feb 27 07:03:23)
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Nice Darth.
I especially love the first one.

The road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - BeornTheBee-man (Wed Feb 26 20:53:40)
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Hobbits! Bagginses!
We hates them, don't we, precious!
Filthy little thieves!

Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - NastyBoy (Wed Feb 26 21:01:26)
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We've lost it precioussss!!!
It was our birthday present!!!
Bagginses will pay!

__________________________
Toss me…
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - BeornTheBee-man (Wed Feb 26 22:05:52)
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There was an old Maiar named Sauron
Who most of middle-earth made war on
He wanted his ring, but the Fellowship's thing,
Was to keep it away from the moron.


Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.
Limmerick for Aiwendil, Nasty & Imrahil
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Wed Feb 26 23:38:18)
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UPDATED Thu Feb 27 20:59:26

There once was a young Elf from Mirkwood
Whose arrows pierced more than a dirk would
And with a white knife he could cause much strife
And move swifter than some wretched yrch could

I rhymed!

I fear not the shadows of Men
Re: Limmerick for Aiwendil, Nasty & Imrahil
  by - Aiwendil (Thu Feb 27 07:37:16)
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There once was a brave dwarf named Gimli
Who wielded his axe with much glee
With an elf and a man
Hunting orc was the plan
They were quite a redoubtable three

(Good thing I don't do this for a living. )

"May the wind under your wings bear you where the sun sails and the moon walks."
Re: Limmerick for Aiwendil, Nasty & Imrahil
  by - Registered_User (Thu Feb 27 10:17:54)
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And all I loved, I loved alone...
@~~Renee @~~
I'm Impressed!
  by - NastyBoy (Thu Feb 27 15:17:13)
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Well done, Leggy!

I must admit I thought of the Mirkwood dirk would rhyme, but couldn't fit it into anything that made sense. The Yrch could line is nothing short of inspirational!!!


__________________________
Toss me…
Re: I'm Impressed!
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Thu Feb 27 21:00:40)
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UPDATED Sat Mar 1 20:49:07

Thanks! It started out being 'orc' in my head...but I thought 'yrch' was much more appropriate!

Have you guys cleared your haiku addiction? I've noticed some haikus on other threads!

I fear not the shadows of Men
Re: I'm Impressed!
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Thu Feb 27 21:05:51)
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Functioning at a job in the real world has, let us say, tempered "the problem". The scary thing is, I really like NastyBoy's idea about doing the enter LOTR in haiku, one per chapter. I'm tossing ideas around in my mind, but I think its a really cool idea.

Just don't tell the NastyBoy.
________________________________________________________________________________
"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
Re: I'm Impressed!
  by - NastyBoy (Thu Feb 27 21:19:51)
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Here's one for the scouring, feel free to use it!


Hobbiton has changed
Bucolic paradise lost
Grima stabs Sharkey

There may be a market for this in Japan, so i want royalties!!!

__________________________
Toss me…
Re: I'm Impressed!
  by - adalheidis (Thu Feb 27 21:22:23)
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What, you mean like this...

TTT Chapter 3: The Uruk-hai

These Uruk-hai stink.
Look, some men with pointy spears.
Let's crawl off quickly.

TTT Chapter 4: Treebeard

Hoom, are you small orcs?
What's that burning smell? Hm, hrum!
Down with Saruman!

Must...stop...


The road may pass, but they shall not! Not while Faramir is Captain.
Re: I'm Impressed!
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Thu Feb 27 22:15:30)
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Go for guys! But make sure you post it for me to see!

I fear not the shadows of Men
Limericks
  by - BeornTheBee-man (Thu Feb 27 10:54:26)
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Bilbo gave a speech fit for a king
And while speaking he slipped on his ring
He disappeared with a flash, as the Hobbit crowd gasped
Then, forgot it, and kept on eating

There was a young Hobbit from Shire
Who held a ring straight from a fire
The ring caused no pain, though red letters were plain,
And Gandalf said, "This situation looks dire."

The story of four Hobbits we tell
Whose plans got all shot to hell
For young Frodo led, and often said,
I'm only going as far as Rivendell

Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.
LOTR in haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Thu Feb 27 22:14:17)
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UPDATED Sun Mar 2 15:27:03

Here's a rough start to Lord of the Rings in haiku:

FOTR I.
Chapter 1
Bilbo's big party
But the ring causes concern
Frodo keeps it safe

Chapter 2
Questions are answered
Frodo leaves with the one ring
Sam journeys along

Chapter 3
Frodo travels East
Dark Rider stalks the hobbits
Elves provide courage

Needs work ________________________________________________________________________________
"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."

Re: LOTR in haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Sat Mar 1 20:19:18)
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Chapter 4
Dogs! "Heel Grip! Heel Fang!"
Farmer Maggot ain't so bad.
He gives them a ride.

Chapter 5
Merry and Pip join
But Fatty will stay behind.
The four will travel.

Chapter 6
Dark, damp Old Forest
Old Man Willow is angry.
Here's Tom Bombadil!

Chapter 7
Goldberry and Tom
Jolly, incorruptible, safe
"Avoid the barrows!"


________________________________________________________________________________
"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
Re: LOTR in haiku
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Sat Mar 1 21:08:55)
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Keep 'em coming Imrahil! Once you finish all the chapters you can start on the Appendices! We'll get you off the Haiku bug by overkill!

I fear not the shadows of Men
These aren't bad; they're really good! nm
  by - Sonny Joe Money (Sat Mar 1 21:10:12)
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UPDATED Sat Mar 1 21:10:53


The fool looks at a finger that points at the sky...
Re: These aren't bad; they're really good! nm
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Sat Mar 1 22:42:13)
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Thanks for the nice words. Legolas, your concern is overwhelming

Chapter 8
Fog on the barrows
"Cold be hand and heart and bone."
Tom saves them again.

Chapter 9
Bree's Prancing Pony
"'round here he's known as Strider."
"Underhill" tumbles.

Chapter 10
Who is this "Strider"?
Gandalf's late. Go see Elrond.
Black Riders are near.

________________________________________________________________________________
"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
Re: These aren't bad; they're really good! nm
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Sat Mar 1 22:47:40)
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While you're doing the entire novel in haiku, maybe I should do the characters in limmerick! We've got two already! Might help me kill time on those nights when noone's awake!

I fear not the shadows of Men
Re: These aren't bad; they're really good! nm
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Sat Mar 1 22:54:02)
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Hey, that's a neat idea. I understand that there are over 160 characters with speaking parts. If I have to do the appendices...

________________________________________________________________________________
"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
Re: These aren't bad; they're really good! nm
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Sat Mar 1 22:57:35)
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If you can point me to a cast list with character descriptions!

Even with the appendices I think you're only at maybe 100 though...and much shorter poems with no rhyme scheme...you gonna start the Silmarillion too?

I fear not the shadows of Men
Re: These aren't bad; they're really good! nm
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Sat Mar 1 22:58:17)
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Should I start them all with "there once was..."??

I fear not the shadows of Men
Re: These aren't bad; they're really good! nm
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Sat Mar 1 23:10:48)
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Start 'em however your most comfortable with.

The Silmarillion...I'll do it if you will.





________________________________________________________________________________
"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
The Limerick of Legolas (reborn)
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Sun Mar 2 00:10:21)
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UPDATED Sun Mar 2 01:02:08

There once was a young Elf from Mirkwood
Whose arrows pierced more than a dirk would
And with a white knife
He could cause much strife
And move swifter than some wretched yrch could

I fear not the shadows of Men
The Limerick of Gimli (reborn(by Aiwendil))
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Sun Mar 2 00:11:41)
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UPDATED Sun Mar 2 00:15:44

There once was a brave dwarf named Gimli
Who wielded his axe with much glee
With an elf and a man
Hunting orc was the plan
They were quite a redoubtable three

cuz I'm sure I couldn't do much better....

I fear not the shadows of Men
Re: The Limerick of Gimli (reborn(by Aiwendil))
  by - Aiwendil (Mon Mar 10 21:18:22)
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Very nice work here, l_o_m. My limerick seems in need of revision since it's not only about Gimli. Maybe this fits better with what you've done:

There once was a brave dwarf named Gimli
Who wielded his axe with much glee
He made friends with an elf
And feared nothing himself
It's said that he once uttered "Toss me"

"May the wind under your wings bear you where the sun sails and the moon walks."
Re: The Limerick of Gimli (reborn(by Aiwendil))
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Mon Mar 10 21:22:06)
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I like it Aiwendil!

I fear not the shadows of Men
The Limerick of Aragorn
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Sun Mar 2 00:15:18)
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UPDATED Sun Mar 2 00:16:40

There once was a lost king of Men
Who met the Ringbearer in Barliman's den
Using Strider as guise
He proved rather wise
And showed Estel's worth at Amon Hen

I fear not the shadows of Men
The Limerick of Boromir
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Sun Mar 2 00:25:05)
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There then came a Gondorian friend
Conflicted nature was seen as his trend
But while saving his fellows
Orcs killed him with arrows
And proved his true heart in the end

I fear not the shadows of Men
The Limerick of Gandalf
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Sun Mar 2 00:32:14)
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There once was an old grey wizard
Who fought with a fiery lizard
He fell in to shadow
But defeated his foe
To awake in Zirakzigil's blizzard

To come...The Hobbits!

I fear not the shadows of Men
The Limerick of Sam
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Sun Mar 2 00:46:26)
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There was a good Hobbit called Samwise
Who watched over Frodo with both eyes
Where Frodo would go
Brave Samwise would show
To prove true even in Orkish disguise

I fear not the shadows of Men
The Limerick of Pippin
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Sun Mar 2 00:52:03)
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The smallest of all was young Pip
Gandalf offered him many a quip
He didn't quite know
How much he would grow
When he insisted to go on this trip

I fear not the shadows of Men
The Limerick of Frodo
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Sun Mar 2 01:01:27)
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Frodo's courage is put to the test
When Fate choses him for this quest
For even the small
Can hold the future of all
Though he shall never find any rest

I fear not the shadows of Men
The Limerick of Merry
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Sun Mar 2 01:19:07)
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The defiant young hobbit called Merry
Of Orcs he was always quite wary
Yet under watch of Grishnakh
His head recieved a large gash
But if he ever showed fear it was rarely

That's the Fellowship!

I fear not the shadows of Men
The Limerick of Sauron (reborn(by Beorn))
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Sun Mar 2 01:20:35)
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UPDATED Sun Mar 2 08:19:07

There was an old Maiar named Sauron
Who most of middle-earth made war on
He wanted his ring
But the Fellowship's thing
Was to keep it away from the moron.

cuz I love how he fit in 'moron!'

I fear not the shadows of Men
The Limericks
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Sun Mar 2 07:33:12)
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Wow! Someone has been busy while I !

Its kinda like waking up on Christmas morning.

My personal favorite -- Balrog = "fiery lizard"!?!

________________________________________________________________________________
"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
Re: The Limericks
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Sun Mar 2 08:15:49)
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UPDATED Sun Mar 2 08:57:57

I'm glad you enjoyed them! (Pardon my happy dance) I was worried...Did you have the expressions of the fellowship at the gift-giving? For some reason, having no idea what you look like, I can still picture it in my head....I guess it helps that I never picture a face all at once, just specific parts of an expression...
Thankyou! I'm quite proud of the Balrog description.It took me awile to get Gandalf's...

[edit to add]I have the day off to try to do some more...are you working on your novel haiku? You're almost at Rivendell!

I fear not the shadows of Men
LOTR haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Sun Mar 2 15:24:54)
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I was just reading about an older form of poetry related to haiku called tanka. Instead of a 5-7-5 pattern, it uses a 5-7-5-7-7 pattern. You know what that means? Extended Edition!

Chapter 11
Flee to Weathertop.
Nazgul strike! With one quick thrust
Frodo swoons...poison.

Chapter 12
Mighty Glorfindel
"Fly! Ride to Rivendell's ford!"
Crashing equine waves

FOTR II.

Chapter 1
Gandalf has arrived.
Warm, friendly halls of Elrond
Bilbo reveals much

You know that extended edition idea? I don't think so.


________________________________________________________________________________
"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
Re: LOTR haiku
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Sun Mar 2 16:58:01)
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TLOTRHEE!!! That'd take up some time! Maybe you should think aboutit when your more than 1/6 of the way through!

I fear not the shadows of Men
Re: LOTR haiku
  by - NastyBoy (Sun Mar 2 18:36:39)
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Extended version
Extra scenes mean more Haiku
Is Darth up to it?


__________________________
Toss me…
Re: The Limericks
  by - jensma28 (Sun Mar 2 23:40:50)
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Dang, Legolas. You've got a real talent for this. I'm stunned!
Re: The Limericks
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Mon Mar 3 09:31:18)
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Thanks Jen....
looks like Nasty's giving me a run though...

I fear not the shadows of Men
Re: The Limerick of Sauron (reborn(by Beorn))
  by - NastyBoy (Sun Mar 2 21:07:24)
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Fangorn, a hoary old Ent,
Had a trunk exceedingly bent.
To save himself trouble
He bent it in double
And instead of coming he went!


__________________________
Toss me…
Re: The Limerick of Sauron (reborn(by Beorn))
  by - NastyBoy (Sun Mar 2 21:53:05)
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Radagast and Bombadil were not
included as part of the plot
"Put them back" was my plea
Mr Jackson? Agree?
He didn't because he did not.


__________________________
Toss me…
LOTR haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Mon Mar 3 06:50:56)
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Hey, Nasty! Are the Limericks as addictive as haiku? I haven't tried them because I fear them!

Chapter 2
Council of Elrond
"Destroy the ring in Mordor."
The Fellowship forms.

Chapter 3
Nine friends trek down wild
Paths haunted by wolf and snow
And spies' watchful eyes.


________________________________________________________________________________
"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
Re: The Limerick of Sauron (reborn(by Beorn))
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Mon Mar 3 09:33:13)
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UPDATED Mon Mar 3 09:33:30

That one was funny Nasty! Where did you come by your sense of humor?

I fear not the shadows of Men
Re: The Limerick of Sauron (reborn(by Beorn))
  by - NastyBoy (Mon Mar 3 15:28:41)
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I've always thought that if you can't laugh, what's the good of you?

I laugh at myself constantly, it helps me keep my ego in check and gives me a perspective on life...puts me in context.

If life is about the pursuit of happiness, laughter has to be a good thing, so if I can make others laugh as well, I'm doing good, I think.

Said Nasty, "What's the meaning of life"
The point of this struggle and strife?
Is it kids, is it war,
Or cash, nothing more?
"you're an idiot" (comment from wife)

Oh well, that just about sums me up.

BTW Darth is doing an amazing job on the LOTR IN Haiku project. We have to publish this, or at least put it all together in one thread.

__________________________
Toss me…
Re: The Limerick of Sauron (reborn(by Beorn))
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Mon Mar 3 21:10:13)
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Good policy Nasty! You're doing good then! I agree about putting them together in the end(Imrahil's LOTR Haiku Project that is)!

I fear not the shadows of Men
Finally saw this great thread, had to add a few
  by - Ronin One (Mon Mar 3 09:22:43)
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Although haikus aren't my strength, I'll give it a shot.

Both darkness and flame
A terror like no other,
Who can face this demon?

It twists the mind
And poisons a good man's heart,
Evil disguised in gold.

They will leave this world,
Ours will never be the same
Without them, winter falls.

We who once danced
When creation dawned,
Now fade into night.

The King of all men,
Hidden beneath humble guise,
Truth shines in his eyes.

"His madness keeps him sane, doesn't it?"
"Do you think he is the only one?"
Re: Finally saw this great thread, had to add a few
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Mon Mar 3 09:34:39)
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I like 'em Ronin!

PS Where's your tag from?

I fear not the shadows of Men
bump (nm)
  by - NastyBoy (Mon Mar 3 18:56:55)
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__________________________
"Yer nowt but a ninnyhammer" as my gaffer used to say
LOTR haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Mon Mar 3 19:11:57)
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Nasty, I was planning on using your Moria haiku, but I realized that you had combined two chapter(4 and 5). I really like that one though because, let's face it, "Balrogs are scary." I really like Ronin's Balrog haiku, too. Maybe I just have a Balrog fetish.

Chapter 4
Gates of Moria
"Speak friend and enter... Mellon"
Moria's dark path.

Chapter 5
Orc spear. Mithril vest.
A Balrog at Khazad-Dum.
"Fly, fools!" Gandalf falls.


________________________________________________________________________________
"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
Re: Finally saw this great thread, had to add a few
  by - Ronin One (Tue Mar 4 14:45:31)
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Thanks a lot legolas!

As for my sig, it comes from one of my favorite authors, a guy by the name of Neil Gaiman. I always liked this little exchange because I felt kind of captured a bit of the essense of what life is like for many artists and dreamers. (Like myself).

"His madness keeps him sane, doesn't it?"
"Do you think he is the only one?"
Uruk-Haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Tue Mar 4 18:55:35)
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My wife thought this thread should have been called uruk-haiku. Damn! Why didn't I think of that?

The following is the end the FOTR section of LOTR haiku and these were the hardest so they are probably the weakest of the lot. Up to this point, I was cruising along with the chapters; it ain't Basho, but I wasn't having problems with it, either. These last five chapter gave me the fits. I think its because "Lothlorien" and "Galadriel" each have four syllables which makes them hard to incorporate. Anyway, for what its worth:

Chapter 6
Elf sanctuary.
Blindfolded beneath golden
Leaves -- Lothlorien.

Chapter 7
The Lady's succor.
Truths seen within her mirror.
She will diminish.

Chapter 8
Gifts for travelers
Melancholy departure
Elvish boats bear them

Chapter 9
A grim company
"Behold, the Pillars of Kings!"
Voice of Rauros calls

Chapter 10
Boromir's madness
Breaking of the fellowship
Two bear the ring east.


________________________________________________________________________________
"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
Re: Uruk-Haiku
  by - NastyBoy (Tue Mar 4 19:02:59)
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Here ends the first book
"The Fellowship of the Ring:
The Lord of the Rings"

Uruk-Haiku LOL!

__________________________
"Yer nowt but a ninnyhammer" as my gaffer used to say
Re: Uruk-Haiku
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Tue Mar 4 19:12:02)
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Tell your wife kudos on the title! I liked that you incorporated the title of breaking of the fellowship! I just like that line for no apparent reason...I like that track on the LOTR:FOTR OST too. I just wanted to use a bunch of int'ls!

I fear not the shadows of Men
Re: Uruk-Haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Thu Mar 6 17:07:56)
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Nice transition haiku, NastyBoy.

TTT III.

Chapter 1
Death of Boromir.
"We shall rescue the hobbits."
Forth go three hunters.

Chapter 2
Tracking the Uruks.
Riders greet the three hunters.
"Hope does not remain."

Chapter 3
Saruman's servants
Hasten west with the captives.
Riders hunt them down.

Chapter 4
Merry and Pip flee.
"Hoom, hom. The Ents go to war!"
Last march of the Ents.



"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
Re: Uruk-Haiku
  by - NastyBoy (Thu Mar 6 17:11:51)
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Spending time with Ents
I like this Ent drink, tastes good!
My shirt doesn't fit!


___________________ _______
"Yer nowt but a ninnyhammer" as my gaffer used to say
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Re: Uruk-Haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Fri Mar 7 22:42:09)
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UPDATED Fri Mar 7 22:43:17

I have a challenge. Can anybody write a haiku in Elvish. I suspect it would be beautiful.

Chapter 5
Mithrandir returns.
Gandalf clad in gleaming white.
Battle and war! Ride!

Chapter 6
Wormtongue's deception
Usurped by Gandalf's splendor.
Theoden renewed.

Chapter 7
War's stench comes to Helm's
Deep. "Behold the white rider!"
An army destroyed.



"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
Pedich i lam edhellen?
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Fri Mar 7 22:58:46)
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Guren bed enni
Na vedui mellon nin
Ortheritham sain

This is a weak Sindarin attempt based on online dictionaries...but I couldn't pass up that challenge! D'ya know what it means Imrahil?

I fear not the shadows of Men
Re: Pedich i lam edhellen?
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Sat Mar 8 00:48:34)
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I feel like a proud papa! Legolas, I knew you'd come through for me. (I was actually rooting for you!)

You made the effort to write it. I'll make the effort to translate it. I'm sure I'm off but here's my feeble effort

Subject: You said the Elvish language?

My heart speaks to me
At last my friend.
New master's hall. (The third line was very hard for me.)

All right, am I close? I tried.

Thanks Legolas!


"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
Re: Pedich i lam edhellen?
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Sat Mar 8 00:58:26)
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Very close!

'Do you speak Elvish?'

My heart tells me
At last, my friend,
We will defeat them

For translating you did very well! They're never exact and that's the hard part... I thought it was fitting for LOTR!

Thanks for believing in me. I wish I knew more about Elvish....like I said I played around on those online sites to get most of this, trying to get the right syllables into a poem that made sense!

I fear not the shadows of Men
Re: Pedich i lam edhellen?
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Sat Mar 8 01:08:34)
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I feel even prouder considering the eight pints of Guinness that I had before translating it!

I had a professor that made us write a short story in Middle English based on information we could glean from Chaucer. That makes what you did even more impressive in my eyes.



I kick a$$ for the Lord!--Father McGruder "Braindead" ("Dead Alive")
Re: Pedich i lam edhellen?
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Sat Mar 8 01:12:30)
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IT COMES IN PINTS?!?! You did really well then!

Thanks. I actually enjoy languages, so it was kinda fun.

I like your tag on that one!

I fear not the shadows of Men
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Deju-Vu Haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Mon Mar 10 06:00:15)
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Why do I feel like I've written these before?

Chapter 8
Isengard sundered
by Treebeard's army of Ents.
A wizard's prison.

Chapter 9
Flotsam and jetsam.
Saruman stares at defeat.
Peace of victory.

Chapter 10
Saruman's parley.
Fallen wizard's enchantment.
"He shall not escape."

Chapter 11
Pippin's temptation.
Sauron's fortunate mistake.
"Away to Gondor!"

--half way done--



"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."



Re: Deju-Vu Haiku
  by - penguin_the_orcish_elf (Mon Mar 10 06:23:58)
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UPDATED Mon Mar 10 06:30:25

At least you still had them! I'm missing a piece of FOJ.

Been enjoying this thread too.


~Where are we going?~
Re: Deju-Vu Haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Mon Mar 10 08:59:31)
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I know. There is nothing more sad than losing something spontaneous and creative.

On the bright side, at least its only two days worth...

"What can men do against such reckless hate?
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - BeornTheBee-man (Mon Mar 10 08:38:58)
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I am pretty glad
I didn't write this weekend
I would have been screwed

Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.
Repost of the Limmerick of Nasty
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Mon Mar 10 09:37:40)
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Nasthma was a rogue dwarf for hire
Who joined arms with Hobbits of the Shire
In the Gold Wood he wheezed
He coughed and he sneezed
Then arrows made the situation quite dire

He thought the Lady of Light would be scary
For of Elves he was always quite wary
Haldir's glare was like ice
The Dwarf said something not nice
Nasthma probably called Haldir a fairy!

I fear not the shadows of Men
Repost of the Limmerick of Nasty
  by - NastyBoy (Mon Mar 10 15:20:09)
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That Haldir's a fairy is fact
Though to say so would not be called "tact"
A dwarfs best advice
is to keep himself nice
Or Elvish arrows he will soon attract!

_________________________________________
"Yer nowt but a ninnyhammer" as my gaffer used to say
Repost of the Limmerick of Nasty
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Mon Mar 10 15:37:03)
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I fear not the shadows of Men
Limerick about Elves of Woodhall
  by - BeornTheBee-man (Mon Mar 10 10:02:32)
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A query about Gildor's supplies
Caused stout Sam Gamgee to reply
If I could grow
Apples like those
I'd be a gardener, no lie!

Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.
Legolas' limerick
  by - BeornTheBee-man (Mon Mar 10 10:13:52)
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UPDATED Mon Mar 10 12:33:19

From Legolas, to you, his parishoner,
Here's a tip that might make you richer!
It's good to shampoo,
but when you are through,
remember to use the conditioner!

Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.
More limericks
  by - BeornTheBee-man (Mon Mar 10 13:16:41)
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UPDATED Mon Mar 10 15:32:55

Was this the lost opening to Bilbo's book?.... eh, probably not.

Concerning hobbits, let me bend your ear,
Short and sweet, I can tell you here,
They're lovers of food,
And depending on mood,
are likely to be drinking a beer.


Another one:

Said Gimli to Legolas Greenleaf,
These short jokes are causing some fans to beef
Yet with a story so dark,
I'm playing a part
In providing some comic relief!

Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.
Bumparoonie
  by - NastyBoy (Mon Mar 10 19:25:46)
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_________________________________________
"Yer nowt but a ninnyhammer" as my gaffer used to say
Re: Bumparoonie
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Wed Mar 12 03:08:00)
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once again!

I fear not the shadows of Men
Re: Bumparoonie
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Wed Mar 12 07:01:59)
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lol! Beorn, your limerick about hobbits could be limmerick about my family.

In more recent news: Elvish - Dwarvish tensions are ratcheted up by a series of smarmy limericks between NastyBoy and Legolas.

("smarmy" is not the right word. I just felt like using it.)

TTT IV.

Chapter 1
Jagged rocks and stones.
"We wants the precious, curse them!"
Taming of Smeagol.

Chapter 2
Marshes of the dead.
Fell beasts circle overhead.
Mordor's darkness looms.

Chapter 3
The Black Gate is closed.
The hobbits fill with despair.
A new path opens.

"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
Re: Bumparoonie
  by - NastyBoy (Wed Mar 12 15:25:36)
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Darth Imrahil likes the word Smarmy
Leggy's Elvish harsh words cannot harm me
Aewendil chips in
To add to the din
But the others think we are all barmy!

simple limericks
aren't as clever as Haiku
but they're funnier

_________________________
"Well, I'm back" he said.
Re: Bumparoonie
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Wed Mar 12 22:23:02)
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Imrahil's news brief was awfully hilarious
Elf-Dwarf relations are looking precarious
But both Nasty and I
Don't appear to be shy
So you'll just have to learn to bear with us!

If you don't find our 'smarmy' quips amusing
The ignore buttons what you should be using
Though I wouldn't recommend
Because we know in the end
The Haiku page would read quite confusing...

I fear not the shadows of Men
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku (limerick)
  by - wizard_of_middle_earth (Thu Mar 13 09:14:16)
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The once was a hobbit from Nantuckett
Who liked to put crops in a bucket.

One day he fell down a hill
And his crops, they all spilled

And our hobbit friend said "Oh, F*** it!"



Hypnotizing power, crushing all that cower
Battery is here to stay
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku (limerick)
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Thu Mar 13 09:27:38)
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Bad Wizard! Go to your box!!

I fear not the shadows of Men
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku (limerick)
  by - wizard_of_middle_earth (Thu Mar 13 10:06:24)
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Iiiiiii'm the maaaaaan in the box....

Buuuuried in my $hit.


Won't you come and save me?

Hypnotizing power, crushing all that cower
Battery is here to stay
TTT IV Uruk-haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Fri Mar 14 14:28:37)
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Wizard of middle earth = W.o.m.e. Pretty similar to Wommy in name and deed!

Chapter 4
Fish and nassty chips.
Humming bows. Men against men.
"Look! An oliphaunt!"

Chapter 5
Faramir's patrol.
Evergreens bathed in twilight.
Weary exchanges.

Chapter 6
Gollum -- caught and bound.
"Wicked, tricksey, false Master!"
Frodo plans tough trails.



"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
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Re: LOTR Sonnet - Not for the faint hearted...
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Sat Mar 15 11:02:02)
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Believe me, Armeros, I know the difficulty. You have far more restrictions in your poetry than in my silly little haiku. You have really caught the flavor of Moria.

Your effort is most appreciated!

"Impressive...most impressive!" - Darth Vader (Empire Strikes Back)


Re: LOTR Sonnet - Not for the faint hearted...
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Sat Mar 15 11:03:51)
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Hey Armeros! I'm glad you found a good place to post this. I didn't get to read it on the Ali's page, but I did here. I really like it!

I fear not the shadows of Men
[Post deleted]
UPDATED Sat Mar 15 11:13:37

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Uruk-Haiku TTT winding down
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Sat Mar 15 22:20:40)
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Armeros, feel free to post what you want here. Al's thread is far more structured than we are here. His is really good, but it's nice to post on whim, too.

Chapter 7
Land dreams in false peace.
Decisons at the crossroad.
Day fades into dark.

Chapter 8
Stairs into mountains.
Bitter air chills dark tunnels.
Dangerous green eyes.



Only two more chapters of TTT left. Nastyboy, could I impose on you to write another transition haiku to go between TTT and ROTK? I'd really appreciate it.

"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
Two Transitons - you choose
  by - NastyBoy (Sun Mar 16 16:32:14)
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The Two Towers ends
The Return of the King starts
Can Darth continue?

Will Aragorn rule?
Can Frodo Destroy the ring?
The next book will tell...
_____________________________________
I don't hold with wearing ironmongery
Re: Two Transitons - you choose
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Sun Mar 16 17:20:33)
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I believe I will choose the second. It has the nice feel of a 1930's serial.

"Can Darth continue?" -- I thought by this point you'd have more faith in me. Perhaps the question should have been "Should Darth continue?"

Thanks Nasty.

"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
Re: Two Transitons - you choose
  by - NastyBoy (Sun Mar 16 17:52:05)
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No problemo.

I expect these to be collected together and edited into a single post, or at least 3 posts so we can all enjoy the results of your hard work.

Perhaps a 4th book of collected haiku from the thread as an appendix type thing...speaking of which, you're not going to do the appendices are you? I don't think they're necessary.

Appendices suck
as subject matter for this
haiku project of yours

_____________________________________
I don't hold with wearing ironmongery
TTT Uruk-haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Mon Mar 17 19:45:45)
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Of course I'm not doing the appendices. I've got the whole Silmarillion to do.
Just kidding! If I start the Silmarillion, please feel free to allow me to pass into madness like Denethor. .

Chapter 9
Gollum springs his trap.
Horrid Shelob. A star's light.
But orcs are about.

Chapter 10
Deep thrust of Sam's blade.
Shelob's agony and death.
Frodo in orc hands.



Transition by NastyBoy

Will Aragorn rule?
Can Frodo Destroy the ring?
The next book will tell...


"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
[Post deleted]
UPDATED Wed Mar 19 14:44:57

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Re: Art imitates art...
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Wed Mar 19 16:15:27)
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I liked your sonnet Armeros...but you should have been careful about where you posted it. Alizarin had that post very organized and even included his requests on how to post, so I can understand that he was upset.

I fear not the shadows of Men
I got one for ya
  by - Alizarin (Thu Mar 20 03:01:56)
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The problem with the internet:

Let loose upon society
Dose requires increase
Juxtapose Personalities Breed Folly



Oh, actually here's another...


The persistance of fallacy:

Genitalia good for one thing
disposable, wet and wanting
Judah casts down his eyes



Some people just can't take the hint...




The surest sign of intelligent life in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
[Post deleted]

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Re: 5-7-5
  by - Alizarin (Fri Mar 21 10:41:45)
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Like I could give two sh*ts about the proper structure, the message is there (clear enough even for you to see); the only insult to intelligence is your continual pathetic attempts at trying to worm your way onto this board and rally some buddies to your lame cause. What's up? Do you have so few friends that you have to hang around with people who find you disgusting?

With such obvious imbalances, I should have thought you'd never be bored even when locked in a padded cell - where you belong.

The surest sign of intelligent life in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
[Post deleted]

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Re: 5-7-5
  by - Alizarin (Fri Mar 21 11:22:02)
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It beats cowering like an abused dog.

Tell me why it is that you don't get your dick transplanted from your forehead to your groin - is it because you might die, what with it being the only part of your frail and pitiful anatomy that has any function (albeit limited)? Or is it because they don't have an electron microscope powerful enough?

I say go for it anyway- maybe you could get one of the orderlies to tape it and we could all have a good laugh.



The surest sign of intelligent life in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
[Post deleted]

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bump
  by - athene-5 (Wed Mar 19 20:43:57)
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"I sang of leaves, of leaves of gold, and leaves of gold there grew..."
Again thank you so much for the bumping
  by - Lady_Galadriel (Wed Mar 19 20:52:53)
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UPDATED Wed Mar 19 21:01:02

I said "bad hakui"? I can do that, turns out to be harder than it seems.

King who does not bathe
Oh boy do i need a shave
smell like big garbage heap

short and hairy man
on whom all mankind depends
has lost a finger

looks so good in tights
with hard little elven behind
love the fake blue eyes

(fixed version, thanx Darth)
looks so good in tights
hard little elven behind
love the fake blue eyes

beautiful she is
like rays of the golden son
with oaf for husband

Sorry these suck so bad but they were fun to make up.
Re: Again thank you so much for the bumping
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Wed Mar 19 20:59:00)
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Not bad, just a little naughty


with hard little elven behind
(one too many syllables, but naughty nonetheless)

"last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth..."
Re: Again thank you so much for the bumping
  by - Lady_Galadriel (Wed Mar 19 21:19:02)
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Apparently no one else wants to join in so I'll give it another go.

sadly dead and gone
so much manly ruggedness
will miss Boromir

Bad orc killed my man
but am happy now because
orc lost smelly head

Horses nine they rode
Scared of some water they were
now ride winged things

eight legs she does have
eat you my pretty she will
sounds like wicked witch

All out of ideas
but so bored am still writing
Love Lord of the Rings

running and standing
am by far the prettiest
Damn! have spot on nose

Hobbit Fancier
Sam will kill you if you try
pervy race of men



I told you I was bad at this bit it's too much fun to resist (Sorry but I can't get the stuff I read in the very secret diaries out of my head)
Re: Again thank you so much for the bumping
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Thu Mar 20 02:12:43)
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What about Merry's mohawk?

I fear not the shadows of Men
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With all due respect...
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Fri Mar 21 11:41:32)
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UPDATED Fri Mar 21 11:43:39

please keep hostilities to other threads. This has been my one bastion of peace.

If you insist on fighting here, because I can't stop you, nor will I make any other pleas to stop you, at least do it in some type of poetic form.

Thank you.

What can men do against such reckless hate?
[Post deleted]

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A really bad limerick
  by - nemohlserver (Fri Mar 21 11:55:22)
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There once was a great flaming eye
to locate the ring he did try
couldn't get the gold band
'cuz he didn't have a hand
and for this mistake he did die
Re: Again thank you so much for the bumping
  by - Lady_Galadriel (Sun Mar 23 18:00:11)
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What about Merry's mohawk?


lil hobbit mohawk
the darkness Moria
stop pinching my bum



"I'm Still the Prettiest"
A bad LOTR Haiku
  by - nemohlserver (Fri Mar 21 12:29:51)
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eight hairy legs run
through caves to prey on little
unwary hobbits
bump
  by - athene-5 (Fri Mar 21 15:28:51)
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"I sang of leaves, of leaves of gold, and leaves of gold there grew..."
Re: bump
  by - Lady_Galadriel (Mon Mar 24 17:06:30)
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"Suspect b***h-slap fight brewing between Galadriel and Legolas as to which of them can nance around better while holding water pitcher."
Re: bump
  by - NastyBoy (Mon Mar 24 17:09:06)
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Word of advice, don't get into a b1tch-slap fight woth Galadriel, She turns Nenya around and the white stone plays havoc with your complexion.

________________________
Elvish has left the building.
Re: bump
  by - NastyBoy (Mon Mar 24 17:28:24)
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Having a point on your ear
Is attractive to ladies, I fear.
But the way Leggy minces
Quite firmly convinces
That goreous young elf is a queer

________________________
Elvish has left the building.
ROTK Uruk-haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Mon Mar 24 20:37:00)
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UPDATED Tue Mar 25 06:33:27

**Vague Spoilers**
**Obviously**


Good to see you're in prime form Nasty.

Smith, you're on probation for that "Beregond tortured to death by reading Bad LOTR Haiku" remark.

ROTK V

Chapter 1
Gondor's forces join
To defend Minas Tirith.
There will be no dawn.

Chapter 2
Aragorn walks the
Paths of the Dead. Old oaths of
The past are honored.

Chapter 3
The horse-lords unite.
Lord Denethor sends the Red
Arrow. Rohan rides!

last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth...
Imrahil
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Mon Mar 24 21:22:10)
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Prince Imrahil fights with power
And the Swan-Knights' enemies cower.
Imrahil is most mighty
for Elves are just flighty
and Dwarves are simply dour.

last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth...
Re: Imrahil
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Mon Mar 24 22:25:42)
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Oh, aren't you humble! I think Beregond should write one for, well, Beregond. Maybe we could get Damrod to do one too...everyone with a character name has to write one for their namesake!
You realize that Imrahil has some Elvish blood right?

I fear not the shadows of Men
Re: Imrahil
  by - NastyBoy (Tue Mar 25 02:55:32)
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What sort of creature is a NastyBoy? What rhymes with it?

Hmm will require some thought...tasty toy? Hasty joy? Might be some possibilities there

________________________
Elvish has left the building.
Re: Imrahil
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Tue Mar 25 02:57:58)
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Are you going to write your own limerick too?

I fear not the shadows of Men
Re: Imrahil
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Tue Mar 25 06:03:07)
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Legolas, ixnay on the Elvishyay oodblay.

last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth...
Re: Imrahil
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Tue Mar 25 08:04:33)
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Oops! Shutting up!
Sorry Imrahil!

I fear not the shadows of Men
bump
  by - nemohlserver (Fri Mar 28 10:13:58)
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Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars.
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - Lady_Galadriel (Fri Mar 28 10:42:05)
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Okay, remember, these are supposed to be bad...

There once was a man tall, dark, and hairy
With an elven friend who was a fairy
They were both so fine
Wish at least one was mine
I'm an awful rhymer but I don't care...-y

The beautiful Lady of Light
Gave the fellowship rest during their flight
lovely and radiant as the sun
her time in middle earth is done
She helps guide poor Frodo through his plight

The prettiest by far
prances about with a water jar
Pretty but dumb
Whee! He likes to run.
Crap, a blemish his complexion does mar

Boromir is dead
Aragon sliced off orc's head
~sob~ now I am sad

Strider wants frodo
pervy hobbit fancier
Boromir's one too

Yeah I know they're horrible but they were fun to write


"Gandalf is wearing fishnets under white robe. First one who snaps his garter gets to snog Legolas."
ROTK Uruk-haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Fri Mar 28 18:53:07)
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-- Beware Smith! The call of haiku is treacherous
for it casts a deceptive web of addiction.

***Vague Spoilers***


Chapter 4
Mordor's dark force nears.
War... death. Alone Gandalf stands.
Horns! Rohan has come.

Chapter 5
Dark paths to Gondor.
Theoden's men unleash a
Terrible vengence.

Chapter 6
Darkness fells the king.
"But no living man am I!"
Elessar's standard!

Chapter 7
A lord's ill-visions.
Madness clutches Denethor.
Sorrow casts a pall.



last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth...
[Post deleted]

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Here's a doozy...
  by - Gabrielle_Tinuviel (Fri Mar 28 22:31:36)
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Don't feel like talking
about Lord of the Rings now.
Going to have fun!

Yep...that was bad. I should stop posting before I start acting like an idiot!
Gaby

"There's only one person in the whole world like you."
Re: Here's a doozy...
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Fri Mar 28 22:37:18)
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Start?

You're so much fun tonight Gaby!

I fear not the shadows of Men
Re: Here's a doozy...
  by - Gabrielle_Tinuviel (Fri Mar 28 22:42:35)
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Yeah, start! Okay, so I may regularly make an ass out of myself...or is that show my ass? I don't know. I think I did both today. I've had much too much to drink too quickly. Did that make sense? It does to me.

I'm glad someone thinks so! I'm not doing this for my health ya know! Maybe in my 'heightened' state I could think of some real good ones for Beregond!
Gaby

"There's only one person in the whole world like you."
ROTK Uruk-haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Mon Mar 31 17:14:31)
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***Vague Spoilers***

Chapter 8
Many grievous wounds.
Lords of free peoples regroup.
A king's healing hands.

Chapter 9
Council of Captains.
"Shall we fight them on our terms?"
Onward to Mordor.

Chapter 10
The army of the
West fights against certain doom.
"Eagles are coming!"




and, on the right, Prince Imrahil, with the men of Dol Amroth, tall and fair...
Re: ROTK Uruk-haiku
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Mon Mar 31 17:26:59)
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You're almost done....I'm so proud of you!

I fear not the shadows of Men
Dedication
  by - NastyBoy (Mon Mar 31 17:32:58)
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Darth,
You're going to need a dedication Haiku before publication. Try this

I owe it all to
NastyBoy and Legolas
What great guys they are!

It is passing strange to me that the hand that heals should also wield the sword.
Re: Dedication
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Mon Mar 31 17:43:57)
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That's the least I can do!

What business does an elf, a man and a dwarf have in the Riddermark? Speak quickly!
(I hope you don't mind being the dwarf, Nasty.)
Re: Dedication
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Mon Mar 31 17:48:40)
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UPDATED Mon Mar 31 18:23:02

Nasty is the Dwarf...see, he's standing on his Mallorn box right now!

I like the dedication, Nasty!

I fear not the shadows of Men
Copyright
  by - NastyBoy (Tue Apr 1 17:32:46)
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If we are going to do this properly, all the parts need to be in Haiku. Here's one for the copyright notice

This work copyright;
Broadcast, copying, selling,
All are forbidden.

It is passing strange to me that the healing hand should also wield the sword.
Re: Copyright
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Tue Apr 1 17:41:22)
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Do we violate
Tolkien estate copyrights?
Here come the lawyers!



What business does an elf, a man and a dwarf have in the Riddermark? Speak quickly!
ROTK Uruk-haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Thu Apr 3 19:48:56)
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***vague spoilers***

ROTK VI

Chapter 1
Dark Cirith Ungol
Strewn with dead orcs. Watchers wail.
Sam flees with Frodo.

Chapter 2
Bleak, desperate miles.
"Where there's a whip, there's a will!
Orcs fight. Hobbits crawl.



last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth...
Re: ROTK Uruk-haiku
  by - nemohlserver (Fri Apr 4 07:52:02)
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Wow! you really keep 'em coming!


Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars.
ROTK Uruk-haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Sat Apr 5 22:51:30)
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***Spoilers***




Chapter 3
Frodo's temptation.
"My finger!" Gollum plunges
And flame takes the ring.

Chapter 4
Mordor trembles as
The power of Sauron ends.
Friends reunited.



last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth...
Re: ROTK Uruk-haiku
  by - NastyBoy (Sun Apr 6 04:27:36)
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This body of work
Needs a suitable venue
Aragorns web site!

I was the Enemy of Sauron; and my work is finished.
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No Rhymes or Pentameter
  by - NastyBoy (Sun Apr 6 22:54:15)
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This epic work of LOTR in Haiku is nearing completion.

I suggest Darth's Opus be immortalised on the Ringnut website for all to enjoy and be amazed by, perhaps with some Appendices of selected other Haiku and limericks.

Darth, do you have copies of all your Haiku or do we need to collate them from the thread?

I was the Enemy of Sauron; and my work is finished.
history of Uruk-haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Mon Apr 7 06:28:27)
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After that one collapse of imdb and the loss of two days of material, I thought it would be prudent to back-up this material. I have all of this thread (except for casual banter) archived.

last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth...
ROTK Uruk-Haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Mon Apr 7 14:06:31)
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***Spoilers***


Chapter 5
Through love and pact are
Nations bound, and the king weds
His Elvish maiden.

Chapter 6
Bittersweet partings.
The world moves on, heralding
The end of an age.



last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth...
No Doing a "Jackson"
  by - NastyBoy (Mon Apr 7 17:48:44)
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The Scouring must be included, Darth, no pulling a Peter Jackson on us now!!

I was the Enemy of Sauron; and my work is finished.
Re: No Doing a "Jackson"
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Mon Apr 7 18:10:56)
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Imrahil knows better than that!

I fear not the shadows of Men
Im u-'osto i duath uin Edain
Re: No Doing a "Jackson"
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Mon Apr 7 19:00:06)
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Chapter 7
They reach the Shire
Quickly and the hobbits live
Fat and happy lives.

THE END!

Just kidding!



last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth...
Very Funny Imrahil!
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Mon Apr 7 19:09:25)
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I fear not the shadows of Men
Im u-'osto i duath uin Edain
[Post deleted]

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The End of Uruk-Haiku
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Fri Apr 11 19:46:22)
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UPDATED Fri Apr 11 20:05:53

***Spoilers***


Chapter 7
Four heroes head home.
Merry, Pippen, Frodo, Sam:
The world has changed them.

Chapter 8
The Shire rallies
Against ruffians. Wormtongue
Ends Saruman's reign.

Chapter 9
Elvish ships sail west
After friends have sad farewells.
"Well, I'm back," he said.

And that is the end of Uruk-Haiku: Lord of the Rings in 1054 Syllables.



*Note: If you think about it, that means that there is about one syllable (not word) of Uruk-Haiku for each page of Prof. Tolkien's entire epic. Makes me, personally, appreciate his work that much more.

**Note: That total number of syllables does not include NastyBoy's much appreciated transition haikus.

I don't know why. It makes me sad.
Re: The End of Uruk-Haiku
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Fri Apr 11 19:59:16)
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UPDATED Fri Apr 11 20:00:55

It's over! *sniff* I don't know why, but it makes me sad...yet happy at the same time....

Good work Imrahil! You've done us proud! I'm glad you put the 'Well, I'm back' line in there.

That syallable vs page thing....

I fear not the shadows of Men
Re: The End of Uruk-Haiku
  by - adalheidis (Fri Apr 11 20:44:33)
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What a magnificent job, Darth! You are awesome.

She is fearless and high-hearted. All love her.
Thanks!
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Fri Apr 11 20:49:41)
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last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth...
Bumping on up
  by - sean-molloy (Fri May 9 13:37:42)
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Sean :)
a bump for princess
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Thu May 15 22:14:19)
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last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth...
Re: a bump for princess
  by - NastyBoy (Thu May 15 22:24:51)
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You have to collate them into one file and send it to Aragorn to put up on the website. Too much hard work to waste.

A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man.
Re: a bump for princess
  by - Darth_Imrahil (Thu May 15 22:31:00)
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How about a wrap-up Haiku, Nasty, before I do that.

last and proudest, Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth...
In honour of the board's Haiku Master
  by - NastyBoy (Thu May 15 22:40:48)
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You've done heaps of work
Three cheers Darth, hip hip hooray!!!
Darth gives good Haiku

A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man.
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - Sir_Big_V (Wed May 21 21:20:04)
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Old Tom Bombadil is a merry fellow,
Bright blue his jacket is, and his boots are yellow.
Bump....
  by - legolas_of_mirkwood (Thu May 29 16:33:31)
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This was almost lost too...

I fear not the shadows of Men
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - fleabite (Thu May 29 20:23:25)
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UPDATED Thu May 29 20:33:31

Leathery soles and
hairy toes, shortest in size
but so tall of soul.

My birthday it was
when you circled me with hate
and love, my precious.


The road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - NastyBoy (Thu May 29 20:30:09)
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Beards, axes, pipeweed,
these define a noble race.
Dwarves, noblest of all!

Be excellent to each other and party on dude!
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - fleabite (Thu May 29 20:34:46)
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Nice, Tubba will love it.

The road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - sean-molloy (Fri May 30 15:40:05)
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bump :)
POKE!
  by - Registered_User (Thu Jun 12 21:01:22)
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@~~Renee @~~
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/peoplesfrontof_m-e/
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - Lady-Eowyn (Mon Jun 23 13:24:07)
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A friendly bump from Sponsor #11593: Lady Éowyn

You are a daughter of kings. A shieldmaiden of Rohan.
Re: Bad LOTR Haiku
  by - Lady-Eowyn 6 days ago (Mon Jul 14 00:16:51)
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A friendly bump from Sponsor #11593: Lady Éowyn

You are a daughter of kings. A shieldmaiden of Rohan.
 
 
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