Did anyone save The Imp Strike or plan to transfer it to Aragorn's site?
I mistakenly thought I had it copied, and now the Legolas: Fear and Courage thread is now gone.  It passed over the current one month mark.
I fear not the shadows of Men
|
|
|
That was THE most hysterical thing I have ever read! I saved it as a Word doc the first time I read it, so yes, I have a copy, if no one else does.
All that is gold does not glitter
Not all those who wander are lost
|
|
|
Fear and Courage is gone? It was just bumped two weeks ago. Sigh! I think Elentari may have an archive copy of it.
"I sang of leaves, of leaves of gold, and leaves of gold there grew..."
|
|
|
The threads only go back to June 7th now...
That was a good thread... I thought I had saved the whole thing but guess I hadn't yet thinking it was constantly bumped.
I fear not the shadows of Men
|
|
|
I've got a different take on the source of Legolas' anger. It all dates back to the Great Imp Strike of 2987.
Did you ever wonder who does the Elves' laundry? Who cleans up? Who takes care of all that long, lustrous hair? It's the Imps, Middle-Earth's underclass.
It's not Galadriel dry-cleaning all those long gowns. It's not Glorfindel with a jumpsuit and earmuffs, chainsmoking and blowing leaves out of the Council chambers with a gas-powered blower ("Where do you want these?" "Just put them in the Mortals Landfill again." "Gilraen's grave it is."). It's not Arwen disinfecting the toilets. It's not Elrond on his hands and knees scrubbing birdsh*t off his library floor. It's the Imps.
Why do you think the Elves didn't just up and leave en masse when the Valar welcomed them back? It's because they know a good thing when they see one, that's why.
So after eons of cooking Elf meals, doing Elf chores, picking up Elf underwear off the floor, and putting up with the catty taunts and insults of spoiled Elf maidens during the nightly hair maintenance, the Imps decided that they weren't being given commensurate compensation, and filed a grievance with the ... well, Tolkien's unclear on the issue of exactly with WHOM the grievance was filed (see The Book of Lost Class Action Suits, Vol. 3 ), but the case was left in the hands of an "independent" Dwarven arbitrator who considered both sides "very carefully" and ruled in favor of the Imps after an astonishingly quick deliberation.
The result was the Elf-Imp Collective Bargaining Agreement -- negotiated through the same Dwarven arbitrator -- which created minimum wages, dental benefits (not an insignificant item, considering the size of Imp tusks) and family leave among many other concessions, and which also stipulated that the Imps were entitled to back-dated compensation to the middle of the Second Age.
Well, the Elves were in a bind. With most of their efforts traditionally put towards learning, lore, merrymaking and occasional warfare, with very little invested in manufacturing and virtually no service-sector jobs, they found themselves ill prepared to cover the costs of Imp compensation. Some Elven kingdoms -- like Thranduil's realm in Northern Mirkwood -- cut back on Imp services, switching from flowing gowns and intricate hairstyles to more form-fitting, durable clothing and sensible braids. But others, such as Rivendell, played hardball, getting teams of lawyers to elicit cunning new interpretations of the Agreement.
Matters came to a head late in the Third Age, when finally the Imps went on strike.
Though neither Tolkien nor Jackson dwells on the strike, some of its effects are visible. Ever notice how the Rivendell Elves of The Hobbit seem much more happy and care-free? "Tra-la-la-lalley come down to the Valley?" The Elves of Lord of the Rings seem much more grave, more like Elves dealing with labor problems and having to either find scabs or (gasp) clean up after themselves. Notice how wasted Celeborn seems to be when he greets the Fellowship in Lorien? He's just cleaned up the banquet hall after a particularly rowdy bachelor party.
And here we find a real bone of contention in the Elven world. Some powerful Elves (I won't mention any names, but here's a hint: one starts with "E" and ends in "d" and the middle part commonly comes before "Hubbard") managed to secure personal-services contracts with their own coterie of Imps. Notice how some of the Elves in Rivendell still have that perfectly manicured appearance with the flowing gowns and the hair?
This practice was generally kept secret, but rumors abounded and it caused a lot of dissention among the Elves of Middle-Earth. Now we come to Legolas, son of Thranduil, who has his OWN problems with his father, many of which are still being dealt with by Elven social workers. Thranduil was a member and treasurer of the local Elf Moose Lodge, and was in favor of a hard-line stance against the Imps and forcing them back to work. Legolas, on the other hand, was an Imps-rights activist, and president of the North Mirkwood chapter of GELDING ("Get Elves to Legitimize the Dreams Imps should Never Give up").
The two had constant arguments, until finally Legolas stormed out of the halls of his family ("You never listen to me! You treat me like a f*cking 823-year-old! I hate you!") and went to confront Elrond himself.
Of course, other matters were pressing in Rivendell, and Legolas prudently decided to put his attention to these instead. But you can be sure he did not miss the significance of the difference between the simple smock he wore at the Council and the finery of Elrond's staff, nor did he wonder who was keeping Elrond's headband so shiny with daily polishings.
All of these heavy issues weighing down upon him created a boiling, seething anger at the world, and something inside of Legolas Greenleaf snapped. On the outside, perhaps, he was still the same noble Elf that the mortals were used to seeing. But inside, he turned from a peace-loving activist into a vicious (by Elf standards) killing machine, as is well documented in the film.
With these events as a backdrop, it's small wonder that Legolas occasionally lashes out. It also provides better insight into the events of the third book, including the famous "Legolas the Mohel" dream.
Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.
|
|
|
Some months after I wrote that post, I finally saw the two Harry Potter movies. I didn't know any of the plot elements, and I was dismayed to find that I had, evidently, unknowingly modeled my Imps after the House Elves. Damn.
Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.
|
|
|
You just made my day! 
Thanks Elkie!
I fear not the shadows of Men
|
|
|
My pleasure, oh leggy one.
It's times like these I remember something Woody Allen was supposed to have said: I don't want to achieve immortality by doing something or writing something or saying something that people will remember throughout the ages. I want to achieve immortality by not dying.
Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.
|
|
|
I want to achieve immortality by not dying.
So far so good. 
I fear not the shadows of Men
|
|
|
there is no word for imp in Portuguese.
|
|
|
Hillman (English car manufacturer) had a model called Imp back in the sixties. Funny little car with a rear engine. I wonder if they ever exported any to Portugal and if they did what did they call them?
That's not flying, that's falling, with style
|
|
|
Reminds me of a funny story where Chevy tried to sell the Nova in Spain. Nova: No va. Doesn't go.
Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.
|
|
|
 by -
vital-7
(Wed Jul 9 01:19:35)
|
|
 UPDATED Wed Jul 9 01:29:27 |
<<<<Reminds me of a funny story where Chevy tried to sell the Nova in Spain. Nova: No va. Doesn't go>>>
sorry mate that never happened,nova also means "new"
For starters nova and no va dont sound alike, no funciona is the way to say it, you dont confuse your "rug" with "vehicle caress" do you?
|
|
|
It's been a while since I took Spanish, but isn't new "nueva"?
It doesn't take exact sound matches to make a marketing goof, especially given people's perceived willingness to look for funny marketing goofs. Someone sees the name, sees that it's spelled "nova", takes the time to mentally insert a space and comes up with a phrase that would seem antithetical to the concept of what a car is supposed to do, even if it's not a perfect grammatical match. Based on the data presented, I find the scenario plausible enough to have a little chuckle.
My only claim is that it was a funny story. Did it really happen? I don't know for sure...when I heard the story it was presented as fact, though it was so long ago I frankly can't remember if the source was credible.
Could you explain the "rug" and "vehicle caress" deal? I don't understand.
Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.
|
|
|
| by -
diah
(Wed Jul 9 12:23:31)
|
|
| UPDATED Wed Jul 9 13:14:52 |
It doesn't take exact sound matches to make a marketing goof, especially given people's perceived willingness to look for funny marketing goofs. Someone sees the name, sees that it's spelled "nova", takes the time to mentally insert a space and comes up with a phrase that would seem antithetical to the concept of what a car is supposed to do, even if it's not a perfect grammatical match.
Reminds me of a funny story where Chevy tried to sell the Nova in Spain.Nova: No va. Doesn't go.
____________________________________________________________________________
vital , I know you have grown accustomed to what I am about to do here,its your fault entirely.
Please dont pull the: 'If you understood me, I must be wrong'
You are right LKALLIANCE, Novo did not sell in Spain since it was never marketed there.
Novo was marketed with relative success in Latin America and especially in Venezuela.There's even a Mexican gasoline that goes by that brand name.You may have used Fords 'PINTO' sell in Brazil, for a better analogy.
Something may sound the same, but it would be too trivially absurd to compare them , in reality it is only amusing to foreigners.
Do you confuse :
rug= 'carpet'
vehicle caress= 'car pet'
you have to think like a foreigner; understandish?
'I don't make any apologies for what I do on the campaign trail. ;-) GWB
PS> "hwich watch?"
"six time"
" such much ?"
btw vital did your professor have a sex change? :)))
|
|
|
There's a Mitsubishi 4 wheel drive that's been sold in Australia for over a decade. Its called the "Pajero". Any Spanish-speakers out there care to translate?
That's not flying, that's falling, with style
|
|
|
Do you really want to know???
Smile... tomorrow will be worse
|
|
|
"btw vital did your professor have a sex change? :))) "-------------------------------->nope he just gave birth to children :)
I can see how that leads to other conclusions.
|
|
|
Elkie, this still stands as my all-time favorite post. I loved this the first time I read it, and still love it after many re-readings. Now what book does that remind you of?
That's not flying, that's falling, with style
|
|
|
Our Bodies, Ourselves?
Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.
|
|
|
| by -
lkalliance
(Tue Jul 8 17:11:17)
|
|
| UPDATED Tue Jul 8 17:11:34 |
Nasty, that is indeed high praise coming from such an esteemed poster as yourself. Thank you.
Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.
|
|
|
I kind of liked that ice-cream thread too, but its not in the same class as the Imps. Is this your finest work, do you think? Is there more in you of this calibre or have you peaked already?
That's not flying, that's falling, with style
|
|
|
| by -
lkalliance
(Tue Jul 8 17:31:57)
|
|
| UPDATED Tue Jul 8 17:38:02 |
There was a time, Nasty, when I reeled off one after another. The Imp Strike, the great Tuna Fish Conspiracy, the Mathematical Proof that TTT was the third-best movie of all time...
Up to now, on this forum, I'd consider this to be my finest work. Is there more? Perhaps. There is a juxtaposition of place and time and audience that has to happen -- I've got to be enthused about the topic (I'm kind of Tolkiened out compared to seven months ago), I've got to have few other things pressing on my mind (I just bought a house, I'm currently renovating it, and it's a busy time at work), and the atmosphere has to be right (the board dynamics have changed, and it inspires a different, more acerbic style of humor in me).
That's funny you mention the ice cream post. I was actually trying specifically to generate a similar post. I ran out of steam, though, you can see where it fell off the cliff. The muse wasn't sitting on my shoulder, and I wasn't motivated enough to push it all the way.
So maybe you can consider yourself blessed to have been here to witness me at the height of my powers.
Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.
|
|
|
I also loved the Mathematical Proof, although I took issue with some of your logical progressions. The Tuna Conspiracy...I don't know...it was a little noir for my liking. The style, content and treatment weren't as congruous or fluent as the Imp Strike. All are undoubted classics, but The Imp Strike will, to me, remain your masterpiece.
That's not flying, that's falling, with style
|
|
|
I missed that before! I hadn't read it till now.
Thanks for the laugh, Ikaliance!
"I forbid you maidens all...To travel to Carterhaugh, for young Tam Lin is there"
|
|
|
This goes into the Coffee Stain Hall of Fame, where you laugh so hard your keyboard, and even your display, gets drenched.
Ever notice how the Rivendell Elves of The Hobbit seem much more happy and care-free? "Tra-la-la-lalley come down to the Valley?" The Elves of Lord of the Rings seem much more grave, more like Elves dealing with labor problems and having to either find scabs or (gasp) clean up after themselves.
*Miko goes to get paper towels*
"I hope that the forgotten people will not have forgotten how to fight."
|
|
|
Look for the girl with the stars in her eyes and she's gone
|
|
|
| by -
lkalliance
(Sat Jul 12 12:05:53)
|
|
| UPDATED Sat Jul 12 12:13:33 |
When I first posted Imp Strike back in December, the reaction was very flattering, and some suggested that it was Onion material. Well, I didn't go submitting it to The Onion, but I did submit it to TheOneRing.net's Green Books section on fan fiction and humor. After a couple of weeks passed and I didn't hear back, I figured it wasn't what they were looking for, so I shrugged and forgot about it.
I received an email today from Tookish, the Associate Editor at ToRN, and they'll be placing The Great Imp Strike in their humor section in August.
Just wanted to share that!
***EDIT: Just wanted to share a link to something in the Green Books humor section currently...a brilliant submission: Gollum's appearance on Who Wants to be a Millionaire?:
http://greenbooks.theonering.net/moonletters/creative/files/ct061503_02.html
Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.
|
|
|
That's awesome LK! Guess it takes them a while to search through all that mail. 
I fear not the shadows of Men
|
|
|
Just wanted to say I had seen without diverting from your other thread.
Maybe later I'll think of something other than 'wow' to say to that one. The Parth Galen sequence is one of my favorite parts too.
Just for the hell of it, my favorite part of the Imp Strike(and one of the best parody quotes imo):
You never listen to me! You treat me like a f*cking 823-year-old! I hate you!
I just find the image of an Elf having a temper tantrum hilarious!
I fear not the shadows of Men
|
|
|
"I sang of leaves, of leaves of gold, and leaves of gold there grew..."
|
|
|
| by -
sinaes
(Tue Aug 5 01:52:30)
|
|
I'm like a good haines t-shirt: tagless 
|
|
|
 Oog make mission statement.
|
|
|
Not idly do the leaves of Lorien fall
|
| |
| | |
company.
Advertise on IMDb.
License our content.
