In this latest venture the national identities of the Author and hence his creations, become stereotypical extremes of the authors homeland, translated to middle earth. If any Americans wish to play they can extol the idiosyncrasies of individual states. We start in Ireland with the O’fellowship. Can only take the Pee out of your own country
PART 1 GREGMCD101/GREG OF GONDOR
PROLOGUE
Bilbo O Baggins ‘Gandalf, look at this fine shiny magic ring, I found over dere in dat dere cave over there.
Gandalf Murphy ‘Ring is it ?’
Bilbo ‘ring aye,
Gandalf ‘Magic, is it’
‘Bilbo, magic, aye’
G ‘Magic my ar$e, you’re supposed to be here finding a shagging treasure hoard, will you go away with your fecking ring’
B ‘Feck you’
G ’feck you too you little fecker’
THE SHIRE, 60 YEARS LATER
B ‘Frodo My boyo, lets have a big shindig for our birthdays, next month like
Frodo ‘spud’ O’ Baggins ‘Shindig is it?’
B ‘Shindig, aye. A hooley, a bit o’ craic, a ceildhe.
F ‘How many people will we be a’ inviting to dis here hooley?’
B ‘Yerra, a nice round number like say 144’
F ‘144??, Jazus’
B ‘Jazus me ar$e’
F ‘We’ll be needing enough booze to float the shagging titanic’
B ‘Yerra feck it, sure it only happens every 100 years’
F ‘but your 111’
B ‘feck off ya little fecker ya’
PARTY DAY ARRIVES
KNOCK KNOCK
B ‘feck off’
G ‘ Don’t be telling me to feck off ya little fecker ya’
B ‘Gandalf, is that yourself is it, jeez, a powerful sorry, I thought it was my relatives, the mcSacksville-Baggins’’
G ‘Oh dat bunch of feckers’
B ‘feckers for sure,,,,, did you bring the auld fireworks?’
G ‘Fireworks, aye’
B ‘And the Poteen’
G ‘Potteen for sure. Barrels of the stuff. There wont be an O’Hobbit within 20 miles standing tomorrow. They’ll all be dying sure. Sick as two hospitals the shagging lot of them.
B ‘Oh sure that’s Grand so’
PARTY NIGHT
B ‘Ah jazus lads, will ye not be quiet. C’mon shut the feck up. I’m trying to make a shagging speech here before ye all pass out into coma’s like. FOR FECK SAKE SHUT SHAGGING UP’
QUIET DESCENDS
B ‘Right I was away for a while 60 years ago, and sure didn’t ye all think I was mad as a Badger or dead or both. Anyway sure didn’t I come back safe and sound with a few bob in my pocket to boot and didn’t we have a mighty Craic ever since? But now me fine lads and lasses, sure I’m a bit Knackered and Fed up, so Im gonna shag off and live with someone else, nothing personal like, sure don’t I like the most of ye, and I only barely know the rest of ye, but sure aren’t ye all fine, mighty O’hobbits. Now eat up and get pi$$ed like true O’Hobbits…….Goodbye……..DISAPPEARS
Daddytwofoot ‘where da feck is he gone??’
Roisin O’ Cotton ‘how the feck would I know, pass the shagging potteen’
BACK IN BAG END
G ‘ya fecking eejit, showing off the ring like that, no more sense than a leprechaun’
B ‘yerra feck off, with your pointy hat ya big gombeen’
G’ ‘Be careful lad, dat dere ring is fierce dangerous like’
B ‘Dangerous is it?, will you make up your fecking mind.. Sure 60 years ago ya told me to shove it up me ar…….
……….G ‘Don’t mind that now. I’ve been researching. Doing a bit of reading and stuff like. I reckon this is the one(pronounced wan) ring, the big doohickey
B ‘ Feck it. That’s a different story entirely. You’d better have it so.
G ‘ Don’t be tempting me. Sure if I had that thing it’d drive me around the twist.
B ‘We’ll I’m not keeping it, it’s fecking dangerous’
G’ We’ll leave it here a while, hide the fecking thing like, til I figure out what the feck to do with it.
B ‘Grand plan boss, I’ll be off so.
G ‘good luck to ya now’
LATER, FRODO ENTERS
F ‘Shagged off has he ?’
G’ Aye, gone to live with the Elves at Elrond’s irish pub in Rivendell. He left ya every thing, including Bag End, 40 acres of spuds, two fine new tractors, and this here ring like
F ‘Ah sure that’s fecking grand. The tractors is it? Fine tractors to be sure. Im off to the pub to get legless in celebration.
PART 2 MAD DOG MCLAGAN AUSTRALIAN
Gandalf- Hang on a sec, ya bloody gullah, ya gotta know this could be the One Ring
Frodo - What the blinkin' hell you onna `bout, Gando?
Ganalf - Now, now, don't go get yer billabong `n a twist, I'm off to find owt a few more things abowt it, 'kay?Keep it outta sight alright?I don' want no cheeky buggers pinchin` it!
17 Years later
Gandalf - Right, it's the One.
Frodo - Struth, Gando!Wanna give me a bitta warning?
Gandalf - Oy!I've been as flat out as a lizard drinkin'!Give me a bleedin' break, ya young whipper-snapper!
Frodo - Awlright, ya old bloody codger, but what's this ring ya onna bout?
Gandalf - Stone the flamin` crows!The one ya uncle gave ya!
Frodo - Aw, right.(Pulls it out of his pocket)Here it is.
Gandalf - You got kangaroos in the top paddock, boy?I told ya to keep the bloody thing safe!!
PART THREE GREG OIRISH
Gandalf Murphy ‘’ Hang on Frodo boyo, whats that rustling outside the bleedin’ winda?’’
Frodo ‘spud O’Baggins ‘’ What am I a fecking fortune teller?’’
G’’ feck you Sam Gamgee are you eaves dropping or what out there??’’
S ‘’Noo no Mr. Gandalf, I was only having a pi…………… Oh, eavesdropping, yes boss, for sure that’s it. That’s what I was doing to be sure. Eavesdropping. Aye Eavesdropping, that’s it by the hokey.
G ‘’ Ya ignorant whore, for dat dere arseing about I’ll be sending ya’s on a fierce perilous quest to be sure ya little fecker ya.
S ‘’Fair enough so, who else be going?’’
G ‘’Sure only Mr Frodo’’
S ‘’ Only him??????. Oh bollix to it, we’re shagged for sure’’
FARMER MAGGOT’S FARM
S ‘’Frodo!! Frodo!?!! Now where the fecks he got to??’’
F (reappearing) ‘’Whats up ya panicky eejit ya?’’
S ‘’that’s fecking grand, here am I all concerned like and ye call me a fecking eejit, ya little shagger ya’’
F ‘’Sorry Sa……. (bump bump fall fall) WHAT in the name of crist. Jazus what in the name of all that’s holy are you 2 little shaggers doing.??’’
Mouldy Merry and Pippin Paddy ‘’ Oh feck it we’re fierce sorry like Frodo, We never seen ya dere. We was only robbin’ a few spuds off of auld Farmer maggot . He’s not far behind us he seems a touch pi$$ed off,,,, dunno why sure its only a few spuds..
M ‘’and don’t forget the few spuds last week’’
P ‘’Oh and a few spuds the week before that’’
S ‘ shag it here he comes, run’’
BREE
S ‘’ Where the feck is Gandalf’’
F ‘’Shagged if I know’’
S’’ That dodgy looking soap sodger in the corner be eyeing you up all night Mr Frodo, either he’s bent as a fishhook or he’s up to sommat’’
F ‘’Barman who’s that dodgy fecker over in the corner yonder’’
Barman Barney O’ Buttertub ‘’Him??, dodgy as a £7 note him.. One of those farmers, always out in the bog they are. Dunno his proper name loike, but round bout here we’s be calling him ‘fecking eejit’…………………….Or Stroider, some people call his stroider’
F ‘’ for some reason that name has made me all light headed, fierce giddy and boggle eyed loike, and likeable to fall on my ar$e and put me ring on in a very unlikely fashion’’
Frodo disappears, reappears moments later……….
Stroider ‘’get up ya little eejit and hide that shagging ring’’
Later the prancing pony is invaded by Fianna fail politicians (ie the living dead) disguised in horrendously evil black garb to make them look more human
Black Riders ‘’ Shiiiireeee, Baggggiiinnssss, The riiiiing, put on the riiiiiiiiiiing.
Vote for Bertie Ahern. 4 more years, 4 more yearsssssssssss’’
Stroider ‘’Lucky thing we was all playing poker in my room, if ye’d been in ye’re own room they’d bleeding murder ya’s….all things considered Oi think ye’d better come with me to rivendell’’
F ‘’Wot about Gandie boy??’’
St ‘’he’s in rehab, wont be out for weeks’’
O’Hobbits ‘’ Rivendell it is for sure then bejazus’’
PART 4 NASTYBOY AUSTRALIAN
The Council of Elrond
Elrond; Alright you bludgers, siddown, shuddup and introduce yourselves
Gandalf: G'day
Aragorn: G'day
Boromir: G'day
Legolas: G'day
Gimli: G'day
Frodo: G'day
Sam: G'day
Merry: G'day
Pippin: G'day
Bill the Pony: G'day
Elrond: Before we start are there any bloody questions?
Gandalf: Yeah, who's the sheila?
Elrond: That's me daughter Arwen, she's servin' the beers
Gandalf: Sweet
Boromir: (whispers to Aragorn) How'd ya like to get hold of those pointy ears, eh? Know wot I mean?
Aragorn: *Glares at Boromir*
Boromir: (whispers to Gandalf) Must be a poofter
Elrond: Let's get this over with, the footy's on telly in a minute
Bilbo: I heard the score on the radio, it was won by...
All: SHUDDUP!!!!
Elrond: Righto then, who's gonna carry the bloody thing?
Frodo: I will take it, though I do not know the way
Gandalf: Bloody lovely, doesn't know the way, but he'll take it. Strike a bloody light you drongo, this is im-f***ing-portant!! Anyone know the way? No? Crikey, where's me bloody Gregory's?
Gimli: Arwen, a dwarf's not a camel. Come on girly, shake a leg.
Sam: Come on, footy's gonna start. We'll miss the ball-up.
Elrond: Bunch of wankers, fair dinkum. Ok, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you and you, take the f***ing thing, f*** off over to Mordor and chuck it in the hole, ok?
Gandalf: Fair enough
Aragorn: Fair enough
Boromir: Fair enough
Legolas: Fair enough
Gimli: Fair enough
Frodo: Fair enough
Sam: Fair enough
Merry: Fair enough
Pippin: Fair enough
Bill the Pony: Fair enough
Elrond: Right, that's sorted. Footy's on!
Boromir: Does the poofter have to come?
All: Carn the 'pies!!!
PART 5 ALIZARIN Scottish
RIVENDELL CONT'D:
Aragorn 'Arse Bandit' McElissar: Aw maw...whit'd ye go 'n' die oan is fur, ya cow? Didnae even gie's a penny ya mingey bitch! How'm a s'posed tae take a maddy if ah've nae money tae get some gear? Pure pish man, so it is.
Laird Elrond: That's no way to talk to your Mother Aragorn, show some respect you young rascal or I'll have you arrested for loitering on private property.
Arse Bandit: Shut yer hole ya bastart! 'Kin Elvish, yer a' the same in't ye? Think ye's own everythin' in Middle Earth, but ye's don't, so get it right up ye! Poncey Elvish prick wi' yer stupit pointy ears man! Whit's a' that aboot by the way? Is that so's ye can get yer big gawky milk boatles tae sty oan yer napper? Joost you wait - your time's comin' ya speccy, Spocky, spangle!
Laird Elrond: Honestly, kids - it wasn't like this in my day. *sigh*
Arse Bandit: Whit ye gonny dae aboot it ya tube?
Laird Elrond: I've had security burn your mushrooms while you've been wallowing in your own malfeasence, you ingrate!
Arse Bandit: WHIT!? Man, ah don't even know whit you joost said there, but if ye've touched ma stash, yer deid!! Ah've hid enough o' this pish - ah'm off man.
Laird Elrond: About time...and don't get any ideas about Arwen you devillish miscreant!
Arse Bandit: Gie it a rest ya knob! Nae wonder ye look like yer constipat't a' the time, walkin' roon wi' a dictionary shoved up yer arse! 'N by the way smart arse: See Arwen? See me? Ah've shagged her, she's a snide ride! Gerrit RIGHT up ye ya auld bastart!!
CARADHRAS:
Frodo 'Johnny' Baggins: Ah dinnae ken why we're up this moontin - ah'm jitterin' like a dipped sheep in wintur! Aye.
Boromir the Bastard: Sheep? Where?
Gandalf 'Gie's A Gobble' the Grey: Boromir, shut yer hole ya mank - Johnny Bag, ye goat a better idea huv ye? Know where yer goin' dae ye?
Boromir the Bastard: Goats and sheep? Yeeha! RAMPANT TOTTY!!
Gandalf: BOROMIR! Ah said SHUTIT! Ah'm no' in the mood for this pish - wrap it or ah'm gonny shove this shaft up yer shiter! Noo...whit wur ye sayin' Johnny?
Frodo: Ehh...nuthin' Big-G. Ah ken whit yer sayin'. Aye. Gonny no' call us that but, in front o' a' mah freends?
Gandalf: Gie's a gobble ya midget!
Arse Bandit: Here, wait a minute G-man - ah'm jitterin' tae...
Gandalf: *mocking* Aww...whit's up wi' you ya junkie bastart? No' take the cauld?
Arse Bandit: Get it up ye ya auld tube - ah've joost goat the munchies!
Boromir: GOATS!
Everyone: SHUTIT!
Frodo: Ah've hud it wae this pish! *stomps feet on snow, falls back down hill*
Legolas 'Longshanks': Will you lot stop arguing and get on with it?
Gimli 'Groin Grabber': SHUTYERHOLEYAFAIRY!!
Legolas storms of in a huff.
Gandalf: In the name o' th' Pope! Bunch a whinin' muppets the lot o' ye! A' because o' a wee ring. Youse make me sick - some'dy gie's a light, ah need a toke.
Boromir: Ah'll take the ring if ye want, Johnny Bag.
Frodo: Gonny no' call me that, ya bastart!
Everyone else: MAH ARSE YE WILL!
Boromir storms off in a huff.
Arse Bandit: Keep yer eye oan that mad muppet, Johnny Bag - he's aboot as useful as a paper kilt at a weddin' reception.
Frodo: Aye. Ye've goat a point there mah freend - but gonny no' call us that!!!
Frodo storms off in a huff.
PART 6 NASTY BOY OZ
Down off the Mountain
GIMLO: Stuff this for a joke Gando, I've got so much snow up me clak I'm gonna be doin' poopsicles for a week.
PIPPO: Yeah, I ain't seen so much white powder since Michael Hutchence's wake. Let's pack it in, time for smoko anyway.
MERRO: Yeah, smoko. Leggo, your turn to mull up mate.
LEGGO: Bull$hit mate, I mulled up last time, its Frodo's turn.
FRODO: Bull$hit mate, I mulled up last time, its Sammo's turn.
SAMMO: Bull$hit mate, I mulled up last time, its Gimlo's turn.
GIMLO: Bull$hit mate, I mulled up last time, its Pippo's turn.
PIPPO: Bull$hit mate, I mulled up last time, its Arro's turn.
ARRO: Bull$hit mate, I mulled up last time, its Boro's turn.
BORRO: Bull$hit mate, I mulled up last time, its Gando's turn.
GANDO: Alright, but quit lightin' ya pipes off me staff ya pack a drongos
Smoko ensues. Union rules prevent the reporting of workers activities during official non-paid breaktimes, which are a hard won entitlement earned by our union brothers over the years. Solidarity brothers!
GANDO: Righto then, let's get our arses off this mountain and look for another
way around.
GIMLO: Let's go through Moria, I gotta drop me laundry over to mum's anyway. She's got me dole form too.
GANDO: Fair enough
ARRAO: Fair enough
BORRO: Fair enough
GIMLO: Fair enough
LEGGO: Fair enough
FRODO: Fair enough
SAMMO: Fair enough
PIPPO: Fair enough
MERRO: Fair enough
BILLO: Fair enough
SAMMO: Hmmm, long way back down, and steep too, hmmmm hey Bill, you ever read The Man From Snowy River?
BILLO: Forget it shorty, ya feet don't reach the stirrups.
At the bottom again
GANDO: Looks bad boys, them crows are circlin. Either the Enemy has spies out, or there's roo roadkill up ahead.
ARRO: There's a pack of dingoes followin us too. They after the roo as well ya reckon?
GANDO: Nah, us I reckon. Better get our bums inta gear I reckon
ARRAO: I reckon
BORRO: I reckon
GIMLO: I reckon
LEGGO: I reckon
FRODO: I reckon
SAMMO: I reckon
PIPPO: I reckon
MERRO: I reckon
BILLO: I reckon
The boys hump their swags over to the "backdoor" to Moria. They all look slightly uncomfortable every time its called "backdoor".
ARRO: There 'tis. The backdoor.
BORRO: He keeps calling it that. I reckon he IS a poofter
GIMLO: I left me key in me other tunic. Bugger.
ARRAO: Bugger
BORRO: Bugger
GANDO: Bugger
LEGGO: Bugger
FRODO: Bugger
SAMMO: Bugger
PIPPO: Bugger
MERRO: Bugger
BILLO: Bugger
GANDO: Have ta work out another way in...
LEGGO: Looks like a good fishin' spot anyway. We got any bait? (eyes the halflings hopefully)
MERRO: Whatcha lookin at, mate? Don't even think it ya clown.
PIPPO: Ya clown
SAMMO: Ya clown
FRODO: Ya clown
LEGGO: Alright alright, keep ya shirt on. I got a squid jig, I'll have a go with that. Bit of calamari on the barbie tonight.
GIMLO: You couldn't catch cold ya clown
MERRO: Ya clown.
PIPPO: Ya clown
SAMMO: Ya clown
FRODO: Ya clown
LEGGO: Yeah? watch and learn boys
Leggo throws his line in to the pool and has a tad more luck than he anticipated
A large writhing tentacle inches slowly towards them.
LEGGO: Bewdy!!! Check the size of that one!!! I oughta be on Rex Hunt, fair dinkum!! Thank ya mother for the rabbits, yibbada yibbada
GANDO: YA CLOWN!!! Have ya got rocks in ya melon???!!!
*CRACK!* The door slowly swings open, and the boys rush inside. The door closes with a boom behind them, plunging them into total darkness
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 by -
Broc
(Tue Apr 15 07:54:43)
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'Tis good wark, sez I!
Ya littl' Booger, yer doin' great, b'gob!
As Shakesaid Speare in the Verchant of Menace -- "All that Golders is Not Glit!"
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Imagine Gandalf as a Brummie!  omigod!
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PART 7 ALIZARIN SCOTTISH
MORIA:
(in the darkness)
Meriadoc 'The Merry Madman' Brandybuck: Sh*te! Ah joost cacked it!
Peregrin 'Pishflaps' Took: Me tae!
Gandalf: Aye a'right...gie's a minute tae ah find mah batteries...
Gimli: Here you ya arse bandit! That's mah FACE!
Aragorn: Ehh...sorry wee man...
Gimli: Wee man? Ah'll show ye wee man!
*loud screaming ensues*
Gimli: Next time ah'll rip the meat right aff yer bone!
Aragorn: Jeezuz christ! Ah thought they ... ahhh... called ye 'groin-grabber' 'cause o'...ahhh...somethin' else...ahhhh....ahhh...mammy...
Boromir: Me tae...
Everyone else: Me tae...
Gimli: Gie it a rest or ah'll take ye's a' oan.
Gandalf: Gie's a gobble ya midget! Right...ah've found them, here goes.
*light emenates from the top of Gandalf's staff, illuminating the cavernous hallway in a swirling multi-coloured glow*
Aragorn: Ehhh...G-man, whit's wi' a' the freaky colours...ah'm takin' a whitey here.
Gandalf: Ah'm gonny kick that bastart Bakshi's arse when ah see 'im! Ho'd oan a minute...
*darkness envelopes the fellowship again*
Frodo: Get yer han' aff mah ring ya bastart!!
Aragorn: WHIT? Ah'm naewhere near ye!
Frodo: No' you...Boromir.
Boromir: Ehh...ah was joost makin' sure ye still hud it...
Gandalf: Wrap that pish you lot...right here goes again.
*this time a pale white light filters out from the top of Gandalf's staff, and everyone notices the corpses of dwarves strewn around*
Gimli: AW NAW!
Boromir: Holee sh*t! Looks like a Bay City Rollers convention in here!
Merry: Aw no' again...
Legolas: I suggest we move on.
Gandalf: Well we're hardly gonny walk backwards through 40 feet o' rock, ur we ya donkey?
Legolas: I was simply stating -
Gandalf: Gie's a gobble ya fairy! Right everybody, efter me and don't make any noise or ah'll turn ye's a' intae Partick Thistle supporters.
****FURTHER ON****
Frodo: Whit's wrang Big-G?
Gandalf: Ehh...nuthin'...mah feet ur a bit sore wi' a' this walkin'.
Boromir: Pish. Ye don't know where yer goin' dae ye, ya decrepit auld mank?
Merry: Ah'm pure Hank Marvin by the way.
Pishflaps: Me tae.
Gandalf:Joost shutit ya bunch o' whinin' muppets.
Frodo: Here, wait a minute Gandy...there's sumday doon there followin' us.
Gandalf: Aye ah know, it's Gollum - two faced wee sh*te.
Frodo: Ye know a'ready an' never said - ur ye mental? Ye tryin' tae put the shiters up us or whit? You're losin' it ya auld diddy!
Gandalf: Shut yer hole you and show some respect fer yer elders! Besides, ah've goat a funny feelin' Gollum might be really important later - know whit ah mean? Eh? Eh?
Boromir: GO-
Everyone: SHUTIT!
Frodo: G-man, you talk wan whack o' pish sometimes: Big Bill the Butcher shoulda chibbed that wee freak when 'e hud the chance.
Gandalf: Look Johnny Bag - Many that die deserve...naw wait a minute, ehhh...those who deserve lif....naw, ho'd oan....many roads must a man...ehhh, naw, that's no' it either...ehhh...life moves pretty fast, if ye don't stoap an' look aroon'...aw sh*te! Look never mind, joost shut it and dae whit yer telt ya hairy freak, or ah'll shove this staff so far up yer hole ye'll be shitin' toothpicks fer a month!!
Frodo storms off in a huff and hides in a corner.
Gandalf: Right everybody - aff yer arses, time tae go.
Aragorn: Finally hud a wee relapse in the senile dementia?
Gandalf: Naw smart arse - ah can smell yer maw's knickers doon this way!
Aragorn storms off to join Frodo.
PART 8 SCOUSE NEVER-POKE-A-SQUIRREL
Gandalf: 'ey la, is dere an ale'ouse anywhere raaand ere I need a f*ck'n bevvy.
Gimli: Ahh, mate, youse shoulda got some cheap ale from de offy before we left, like, dey charge a small fortune daaan ere mate, yer'll ave nonnerya dole left.
Gandalf: F*ckih I'm skint anyway like.
Gimli: 'ee 'are, what's goin on ere?!
*Gimli runs to Balin's tomb, others follow*
Gandalf:F*ck'n 'ell, someone gorr'ere n did de place over before we gorriere! F*ck'n bastards!
Legolas: 'ey Gimli, wasn't dat de baird y'shagged raaand d'back d'Adelphi like?
Gimli: Nah, can't be, not or'nge enough la.
Gandalf: F*ck'n Mancs. Nob-eds.
Aragorn: Mancs or goblins?
Gandalf: Oo gives a fly'n f*ck, dere d same ting like.
*Pippin, fiddling with skeleton, knocks it down the well*
Gandalf: Fool of a Took! I'll f*ck'n chuck yew daaan dere next time yer f*ck'n tick'ed. F*ck'n beaut.
Pippin: Ah burrah gorriz wallet like, we can go n get bevvied now like!
Merry: Arrr, nice one mate, anudda bender!
Boromir: Eh, is dere a gig on in ere like?
Gandalf: No I tink dats dem goblins like, f*ck'n caus'n aggro like.
Boromir: Mate, dats f*ck'n arlarse, we didn't do nott'n like!
Legolas: Well we've no chance of doin' one now, we'll ave ter f*ck'n ave em.
Gimli: Is right! Come'ed!
*Battle with goblins ensues; much headbutting*
Gandalf: EY!
Gimli: EY!
Legolas: EY!
Boromir: EY!
Aragorn: EY!
Frodo: EY!
Sam: EY!
Merry: EY!
Pippin: EY!
Gandalf: EY!
Gimli: EY!
Legolas: EY!
Boromir: EY!
Aragorn: EY!
Frodo: EY!
Sam: EY!
Merry: EY!
Pippin: EY!
Gandalf: Aa'rite aa'rite, calm down calm down yewse, we'd better f*ck'n leg it b'fore d bizzies get out like.
Boromir: Can we get bevvied now like yewse loh?
*On way out Legolas kicks dying goblin*
Aragorn: Sack irrof, la!
Legolas: Buh d f*ck'n arsebandit ripped me LaCoste tracky la! Woss d f*ck'n need in darray?
Aragorn: Yerwah?! Yuzzavgorrundredsovem y'nob'ed!
8A PARTIAL TRANSLATION OF SCOUSE. GREG
Gandalf: 'ey la, is dere an ale'ouse anywhere raaand ere I need a f*ck'n bevvy.
I wish to go to a public house for some beer
Gimli: Ahh, mate, youse shoulda got some cheap ale from de offy before we left, like, dey charge a small fortune daaan ere mate, yer'll ave nonnerya dole left.
One should have gone to the liquer store before one left. Beer is awfully expensive down here you will be forcwd to spend all your social security benefits for the transient pleasure of drunkenness
Gandalf: F*ckih I'm skint anyway like.
I am already short of cash
Gimli: 'ee 'are, what's goin on ere?!
Hello?? what do I espy thru yonder door?
*Gimli runs to Balin's tomb, others follow*
Gandalf:F*ck'n 'ell, someone gorr'ere n did de place over before we gorriere! F*ck'n bastards!
Some bad people appear to have ransacked this establishment already. Dash it all, I was planning to do that
Legolas: 'ey Gimli, wasn't dat de baird y'shagged raaand d'back d'Adelphi like?
Gimli, that skeleton over there bares a striking resembelance to the female you had intercourse with around the back of the hotel last night
Gimli: Nah, can't be, not or'nge enough la.
I believe you are in error. The female in question was more orange
Gandalf: F*ck'n Mancs. Nob-eds.
for reasons known only to the original author, Gandalf deems this an appropriate time to voice the opinion that the good people of Manchester are Knob heads
Aragorn: Mancs or goblins?
To whom are you referring, mancunians or orcs
Gandalf: Oo gives a fly'n f*ck, dere d same ting like.
personally I deem there to be little difference
*Pippin, fiddling with skeleton, knocks it down the well*
Gandalf: Fool of a Took! I'll f*ck'n chuck yew daaan dere next time yer f*ck'n tick'ed. F*ck'n beaut.
be careful young pippin or as a jape I shall throw you down there also next time
Pippin: Ah burrah gorriz wallet like, we can go n get bevvied now like!
On the plus side, I have stolen the skeletons wallet. Now we can afford much beer
Merry: Arrr, nice one mate, anudda bender
good for you old chap. I suggest we have much beer
Boromir: Eh, is dere a gig on in ere like?
I wonder what is causing that awful nois
Gandalf: No I tink dats dem goblins like, f*ck'n caus'n aggro like.
I believe we are in for some trouble with orcs
Boromir: Mate, dats f*ck'n arlarse, we didn't do nott'n like!
that is a bad attitude those orcs display. We meant them no harm, why should they wish to bother ud
Legolas: Well we've no chance of doin' one now, we'll ave ter f*ck'n ave em.
We appear to have lost the opportunity to flee. I'm afraid violence appears inevitable at this juncture
Gimli: Is right! Come'ed!
lets be having them chaps
*Battle with goblins ensues; much headbutting*
Gandalf: EY! take that you bounder
Gimli: EY! take that you bounder
Legolas: EY! take that you bounder
Boromir: EY! take that you bounder
Aragorn: EY! take that you bounder
Frodo: EY! take that you bounder
Sam: EY! take that you bounder
Merry: EY! take that you bounder
Pippin: EY! take that you bounder
Gandalf: EY! take that you bounder
Gimli: EY! take that you bounder
Legolas: EY! take that you bounder
Boromir: EY! take that you bounder
Aragorn: EY! take that you bounder
Frodo: EY! take that you bounder
Sam: EY! take that you bounder
Merry: EY! take that you bounder
Pippin: EY! take that you bounder
Gandalf: Aa'rite aa'rite, calm down calm down yewse, we'd better f*ck'n leg it b'fore d bizzies get out like. ok lads a bit of quiet if you please. I suggest we leave before the police arrive
Boromir: Can we get bevvied now like yewse loh?I wish to have some alcohol
*On way out Legolas kicks dying goblin*
Aragorn: Sack irrof, la! Take it off, now ????
Legolas: Buh d f*ck'n arsebandit ripped me LaCoste tracky la! Woss d f*ck'n need in darray? but that nasty homosexual ripped my expensive clothing. Now why on earth did he want to go and do that
Aragorn: Yerwah?! Yuzzavgorrundredsovem y'nob'ed!Excuse me. I feel the need to visit some physical violence upon you for that remark
Handses?...Knife?...String or nothing!!
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"and Portuguese from Tubba"-> why can't i speak in portuguese ????
just a little thingy
"Eu sou portuguesa, não americana"--->i'm portuguese, not american
i'll think about something, Greg
"... Anyway you need people of intelligence in this sort of...mission...quest...thing !!!
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Sorry mate didnt realise you were Portuguese. Feel free
Handses?...Knife?...String or nothing!!
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don't worry about it
...as i've said...i'll think about something
"... Anyway you need people of intelligence in this sort of...mission...quest...thing!!!
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please do
Handses?...Knife?...String or nothing!!
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Hello Greg!  I'm really not sure why you'd like my input...I'm insane you know!  It really is irritating being all couped up in this institution. They never let us eat ice cream, and they don't even let us go to the park to visit the squirrels and feed the birds!!! 
 They're coming to take me away, haha! They're coming to take me away...! 
Gaby 
"There's only one person in the whole world like you." 
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16th April 2003
The Cage,
The Park,
Nr The Institution.
1M G0N
Dear Gaby,
They are keeping us all in a cage outside, they call us 'sycho squirrels' nowadays. They made a corporate decision to miss off the 'p' at the beginning because they think it's trendy and will make people want to adopt us on the care-in-the-community scheme. All this nuts talk isn't doing me any favours you know. Funny thing is, they think I'm mad but I can see the groundskeepers building a new Death Star to get to Naboo and I'm sure they're hiding Wommy, Smashy and Doomy under a statue that they've redecorated in Darth Vader garb. I can't understand why they insist on keeping us under lock and key when my rehabilitation is almost complete, just in time to destroy the almost completed Death Star. If I don't get out of here in time, the Troll Vaders will be unstoppable in their quest to wipe out Middle Earth. It's such a shame that the Rebel Alliance of men and elves has fallen in such a manner, and now nobody believes a word I say. It really is quite astounding that people will call us mad is it not?
Speak of madness, I have finally succumbed to wearing clothes, but unfortunately all the warden had was some lederhosen. Still, it's a start.
When do you think you are you going to visit us again? They've moved us to a closer park you know, I think they like to keep all the institutions close together and away from society. I can't help but wonder what they did with the ducks though. They've been giving us pate for the past week, the catering here must be going upmarket. Maybe you can come and visit some time, I would very much like to hear from you - if you can make it, bring ice-cream! Any flavour except pistachio will do me, and no nuts on it thank you. I couldn't abide the jokes that would ensue.
Yours,
Squirrel
PS have you managed to drop that confounded twitch yet? I felt positively awful for you when that started. Bloody medication hey!
the bells the bells! SANCTUARY! The bells are my friends you know...
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"... Anyway you need people of intelligence in this sort of...mission...quest...thing!!!
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April 16, 2003
Middle Earth Insane Assylum
P.O. Box 1909A
To: The Cage,
The Park.
Dear Squirrel,
They're keeping you caged-in outside, too? What are us poor unfortunate souls supposed to do? It just keeps getting worse! They've really limited our choices inside now as well. No more television or movies, only three meals a day instead of nine. No exercise, and only two bathroom breaks (there are a few who really can't handle that either - *gag*). Now they're even making us choose between eating and computer time. Naturally, I just have to go on the computer. Will you throw your useless nuts in my room to tide me over? I'll have to bury a couple...perhaps a tree will sprout in my room and then I can steal the computer and barracade myself inside.
The worst thing is I've even had to seduce the doctor to get any around here. He's not bad, but I deserve better than the likes of him! Perhaps I will try seducing one of my fellow inmates, but I'm not sure if I want to go tuna. I'm thinking of making a break for it and digging out! Maybe one of the guys can come and get a job here if I don't make it.
Now, now, Squirrel. Perhaps you've been watching too many movies about conspiracy theories and star wars. Surely it is just a statue of Aragorn in a beautiful Elven-cloak! I can see it clearly outside of my window. Perhaps you are in desperate need of an eye-exam.
It is nice to hear that you have decided to wear clothing. It really isn't all that bad, though I'd recommend sleeping in the fur. Much more comfortable that way. I'm prone to mostly wearing mumus myself...it's the closest thing to freedom possible if you have to wear clothing.
Sadly, I don't think that I'll ever be able to visit you again. Just remember that wonderful drunken night! Oh, I think that must have been the best time of my life. Seeing all the beautiful furry hunks getting drunk and hooting...the two of us being able to bask in the freedom of the stage and poles. Wasn't that fun? Ah, the good old days.
I hope to hear back from you soon,
Gaby
PS - No, that dratted twitch is still there! Even my 30 daily Percosets haven't been able to stop it. I'm thinking of asking for Valium.
"There's only one person in the whole world like you."
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16th April, 2003
The Cage
The Park
Nr Institution.
Dearest Gabrielle,
How marvellous it was to hear from you at long last! I began to fear that you had been taken by the sith lords and eaten for breakfast at a convention. Yes, I am left outside and yet caged up. I feel the warm breeze ruffle my fur and yet I cannot run up a tree and leap into the wind. It is a heartbreaking time for me. I fear I may soon forget how to climb. Can you imagine Gaby! A squirrel that cannot climb! How excellent that you are allowed on your computers! I have had to fashion my own from kiwi fruit and grasshopper skins. It is a strange combination of squishy and crunchy, and I find that my paws get into a terrible state.
Of course I will throw you my nuts, I fear that they may be drugging them though, so you will perhaps take the caution of checking that out. I hear you're still a dab hand at the old lock-picking trade - use their lab old chap, use it!
Ah, the sweet caress of a man, sane or not is sorely lacking in my cage. There is no-one here. They have separated me, something to do with the amount of garlic I was eating and the smell I was exuding. At any rate, I begin to wonder if my bits and pieces are still in working order. Perhaps you would be so kind as to return the favour and toss me one of your used men? I fear that second-hand love-goods is what I am reduced to here.
Suggested to the wardens re. the eye-test, and I now have a spiffy pair of glasses - I believe they once belonged to a man called Elting Johnnies? I'm not sure, I think I have fur in my ears again. At any rate, I realise now that it is the old Aragorn monument.
And yet, I cannot help but feel a disturbance in the force. Someone is plotting something, dear friend, can you not feel it?
Well, at least we can write and reminisce. Yes! Yes! The poles! I recall how you climbed to the very top wearing only one of my smallest furs, sang a chorus of YMCA and slid down! Oh, the furry hunks loved that. And what about the time we opened our own hotel - for the duck-billed platypus - and how they complained at every meal because we didn't give them cutlery! And we told them to use their bills! Such a shame the health and safety closed us down.
I am afraid that for the next 3 days or so I shall not be responding to you - do not fear. They are simply taking me to London for an assessment. I suspect they are trying to get me into a zoo. The horror of it all! Me, in a zoo! Anyway, I plan on escaping the cage and visiting a friend's party. I shall speak to you soon dear friend!
Yours Furrily,
Squirrel
PS - watch out for the Valium, they sometimes water it down a bit and it tastes like that drink we used to serve the watervoles in the bar.
the bells the bells! SANCTUARY! The bells are my friends you know...
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God, you guys are funny. 
She is fearless and high-hearted. All love her.
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That's us! Just call me Tweedle-dee!
Gaby
"There's only one person in the whole world like you."
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Does that make me Tweedle-Dum? Gaby are you saying I'm actually a scary 40-year-old man with a keg-belly (they certainly are not mere beer-bellies) and a penchant for stripy outfits and bouncing around talking crap?!
It's like you know me...the bind moggles. I mean the mind boggles. Think I've put my hands on the wrong hands. Kind of like putting the wrong shoe on the wrong foot only more gory.
the bells the bells! SANCTUARY! The bells are my friends you know...
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...in the composition of such ramblings. They only let me out on 2kg of Librium a day
Handses?...Knife?...String or nothing!!
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They let you out?! Oh I envy you!!!
Gaby
"There's only one person in the whole world like you."
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| by -
kiplingkat
(Wed Apr 16 13:53:52)
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 UPDATED Wed Apr 16 14:03:37 |
Oh...Gawd...I can't breathe.....
As soon as ...I.....stop laughing.... I'll see if I can't scratch something up...
How would you feel about life if Death was your older sister?
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 Glad to be at your service, Kip! *continues humming *
Gaby
"There's only one person in the whole world like you."
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Actually, I was giggling at Greg's little contribution up top, not that you aren't amusing when you choose to be as well. 
How would you feel about life if Death was your older sister?
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Oops! I looked at the thread wrong...see, I told everyone I was insane!
Gaby 
"There's only one person in the whole world like you."
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I want you to know Greg, I spent all last night in my algebra class giggling over this. I literally had to force myself to stop hearing this dialouge in my head....
You're a genius and a menace to society!
How would you feel about life if Death was your older sister?
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yerra feck it will you be away with yourself girleen bawn. Jeesus im fierce glad i gave you a bit of craic like. Sure arent you a fine o'hobbit and no mistake
Handses?...Knife?...String or nothing!!
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Shoo-ah, that were wicked funny. Ay-yuh.
Thought about writin' a tale from DownEast, but I realized it'd be awful qui-et.
Council of the Ring:
Frodo: So this ring here-ah is wicked bad, is it?
Gandalf: *long pause*....Ay-yuh.
Frodo: *long pause* Whay don't we j'pitch it in the daump?
Elrond: *long pause* No gooahd. Jus' plow it ap lat-ah come wintah.
Gandalf *Long pause*...Ay-yuh.
Gimli: *long pause* ..Tek' it down t'the mill and run it thro t'bandsaw?
Elrond: *long pause* No gooahd. She's too strong f'the mill.
Gandalf: *long pause*...Ay-yuh.
Elrond: *long pause* Only thing f'it is to take it over away to Mordor. Pitch it in the fie-rah.
Gandalf: *long pause*...Ay-yuh.
Not 'zactly racin' dialouge there-ah.
So tell me, is it Jeezus or Jaizus! Be shooah t'use ya powerahs f'good, not e-vil.
Much obliged friend.
How would you feel about life if Death was your older sister?
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If it wasn't for Stephen King I'd never have appreciated that
Al
:)
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
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I'm glad someone did.
In most places kids grow up in school with urban legends or ghost stories...we got Steven King's Babysitter stories. "Steven King's babysitter found *this* in the basement" "Steven King's babysitter found *that* in the shed" and so on. Nice to know the gent had added to our local color.
How would you feel about life if Death was your older sister?
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I guess that could explain some things!
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
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Im thinking ben Affleck in 'good will hunting', is this appropriate?
Handses?...Knife?...String or nothing!!
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| by -
kiplingkat
(Thu Apr 17 17:40:37)
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| UPDATED Thu Apr 17 17:41:55 |
Close. The way the words are formed and the rythm is about the same (except much slower) The big difference is rather than speaking it through the nose (ala' Boston), it comes from the back of the throat. You don't say "Ay-yuh" so much as breathe it.
It has to be one of the ugliest accents in the world.
How would you feel about life if Death was your older sister?
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Feck ye and yere fecking complicatated shagging accents. Sure, wasnt i fair close with my guess like, ya fecking new england shagger ya???
Handses?...Knife?...String or nothing!!
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| by -
kiplingkat
(Thu Apr 17 17:57:54)
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| UPDATED Thu Apr 17 18:00:37 |
An' to be shoor thems from Kerry sound jus' like th' Belfast lads...
Noh, y'wer close. 'Close as most from away could get act'lay.
(Note: "From away" is anyone from outside of Maine. This includes people of families who have moved to Maine within the last three generations. After four generations, one has garnered enough respect that the Natives will be polite enough to stop mentioning it.
In this instance however, I am using it for everyone outside of the New England area. Most folks from the U.S. couldn't tell the difference either.)
How would you feel about life if Death was your older sister?
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An' to be shoor thems from Kerry sound jus' like th' Belfast lads...
. Strange. Im from Kerry. This day next week im in Belfast for my sisters wedding. Dunno where the connection came from. Spooky
Handses?...Knife?...String or nothing!!
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| by -
kiplingkat
(Thu Apr 17 18:18:22)
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| UPDATED Thu Apr 17 18:19:46 |
Actually, my mother's family (waaaaaay back) is from Co. Kerry and the only town I know in No. Ireland is Belfast. ( -ing as I betray my horrendous ignorance.)
Hope you have a great time at the wedding!
How would you feel about life if Death was your older sister?
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That was great, Kip!
She is fearless and high-hearted. All love her.
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Dat dere ting be a roight foin crack be-jazus!
Pure genius Greg - I'd love to contribute, but I'm not sure I'm worthy! I'll get back to you tomorrow and see if I can come up with a contribution.
Al
:)
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
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ROFLMAO
She is fearless and high-hearted. All love her.
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Gandalf Murphy.... OMG!
Must
breathe
now....
Shouldn´t that be Gandalf "Judge" Murphy though?
Knowledge is Power. Power corrupts.
Study hard. Be evil.
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Handses?...Knife?...String or nothing!!
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Someone please continue this! I would, but I can't really envision a Montanan version. Except I know it would end with guns and possibly seizure of our very own interballistic missile complex, which at least at one point was the biggest in the world.
Greg, maybe you should personally ask oscar_awardee to contribute.
This signature space for rent! Contact reine for details.
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Gandalf- Hang on a sec, ya bloody gullah, ya gotta know this could be the One Ring
Frodo - What the blinkin' hell you onna `bout, Gando?
Ganalf - Now, now, don't go get yer billabong `n a twist, I'm off to find owt a few more things abowt it, 'kay?Keep it outta sight alright?I don' want no cheeky buggers pinchin` it!
17 Years later
Gandalf - Right, it's the One.
Frodo - Struth, Gando!Wanna give me a bitta warning?
Gandalf - Oy!I've been as flat out as a lizard drinkin'!Give me a bleedin' break, ya young whipper-snapper!
Frodo - Awlright, ya old bloody codger, but what's this ring ya onna bout?
Gandalf - Stone the flamin` crows!The one ya uncle gave ya!
Frodo - Aw, right.(Pulls it out of his pocket)Here it is.
Gandalf - You got kangaroos in the top paddock, boy?I told ya to keep the bloody thing safe!!
 DA-AM!The bacteria pigged out on the tar and now it's getting free-ky dee-ky!
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dude are you even australian? i mean no offence but..... ok yeah, yeah your right this was supposed to be an aussie stereotype, consider your self forgiven.
"Fame is a fickle friend Harry, Remember...Celebrity is as celebrity does"
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Yes I am Australian, and I have not heard a single Australian ever talk like that.Regardless, that is the Aussie stereotype.
DA-AM!The bacteria pigged out on the tar and now it's getting free-ky dee-ky!
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You got kangaroos in the top paddock, boy?
Love it!
She is fearless and high-hearted. All love her.
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Well done. I visited Oz for a year. This takes me right back to.........home and away from friday night Its true Aussies dont talk like that, i did here all these words used but not in such concentrated form. Scuse now while i nip out and chuck a kangy on the barbie
Handses?...Knife?...String or nothing!!
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The Council of Elrond
Elrond; Alright you bludgers, siddown, shuddup and introduce yourselves
Gandalf: G'day
Aragorn: G'day
Boromir: G'day
Legolas: G'day
Gimli: G'day
Frodo: G'day
Sam: G'day
Merry: G'day
Pippin: G'day
Bill the Pony: G'day
Elrond: Before we start are there any bloody questions?
Gandalf: Yeah, who's the sheila?
Elrond: That's me daughter Arwen, she's servin' the beers
Gandalf: Sweet
Boromir: (whispers to Aragorn) How'd ya like to get hold of those pointy ears, eh? Know wot I mean?
Aragorn: *Glares at Boromir*
Boromir: (whispers to Gandalf) Must be a poofter
Elrond: Let's get this over with, the footy's on telly in a minute
Bilbo: I heard the score on the radio, it was won by...
All: SHUDDUP!!!!
Elrond: Righto then, who's gonna carry the bloody thing?
Frodo: I will take it, though I do not know the way
Gandalf: Bloody lovely, doesn't know the way, but he'll take it. Strike a bloody light you drongo, this is im-f***ing-portant!! Anyone know the way? No? Crikey, where's me bloody Gregory's?
Gimli: Arwen, a dwarf's not a camel. Come on girly, shake a leg.
Sam: Come on, footy's gonna start. We'll miss the ball-up.
Elrond: Bunch of wankers, fair dinkum. Ok, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you and you, take the f***ing thing, f*** off over to Mordor and chuck it in the hole, ok?
Gandalf: Fair enough
Aragorn: Fair enough
Boromir: Fair enough
Legolas: Fair enough
Gimli: Fair enough
Frodo: Fair enough
Sam: Fair enough
Merry: Fair enough
Pippin: Fair enough
Bill the Pony: Fair enough
Elrond: Right, that's sorted. Footy's on!
Boromir: Does the poofter have to come?
All: Carn the 'pies!!!
Dragons is so stoopid.
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Top notch Aussie contribution no. 2. There is however a gap between the Gandalf / Frodo (part2) scene and rivendell (part4) so I shall assume responsibility for part 3.
Gandalf Murphy ‘’ Hang on Frodo boyo, whats that rustling outside the bleedin’ winda?’’
Frodo ‘spud O’Baggins ‘’ What am I a fecking fortune teller?’’
G’’ feck you Sam Gamgee are you eaves dropping or what out there??’’
S ‘’Noo no Mr. Gandalf, I was only having a pi…………… Oh, eavesdropping, yes boss, for sure that’s it. That’s what I was doing to be sure. Eavesdropping. Aye Eavesdropping, that’s it by the hokey.
G ‘’ Ya ignorant whore, for dat dere arseing about I’ll be sending ya’s on a fierce perilous quest to be sure ya little fecker ya.
S ‘’Fair enough so, who else be going?’’
G ‘’Sure only Mr Frodo’’
S ‘’ Only him??????. Oh bollix to it, we’re shagged for sure’’
FARMER MAGGOT’S FARM
S ‘’Frodo!! Frodo!?!! Now where the fecks he got to??’’
F (reappearing) ‘’Whats up ya panicky eejit ya?’’
S ‘’that’s fecking grand, here am I all concerned like and ye call me a fecking eejit, ya little shagger ya’’
F ‘’Sorry Sa……. (bump bump fall fall) WHAT in the name of crist. Jazus what in the name of all that’s holy are you 2 little shaggers doing.??’’
Mouldy Merry and Pippin Paddy ‘’ Oh feck it we’re fierce sorry like Frodo, We never seen ya dere. We was only robbin’ a few spuds off of auld Farmer maggot . He’s not far behind us he seems a touch pi$$ed off,,,, dunno why sure its only a few spuds..
M ‘’and don’t forget the few spuds last week’’
P ‘’Oh and a few spuds the week before that’’
S ‘ shag it here he comes, run’’
BREE
S ‘’ Where the feck is Gandalf’’
F ‘’Shagged if I know’’
S’’ That dodgy looking soap sodger in the corner be eyeing you up all night Mr Frodo, either he’s bent as a fishhook or he’s up to sommat’’
F ‘’Barman who’s that dodgy fecker over in the corner yonder’’
Barman Barney O’ Buttertub ‘’Him??, dodgy as a £7 note him.. One of those farmers, always out in the bog they are. Dunno his proper name loike, but round bout here we’s be calling him ‘fecking eejit’…………………….Or Stroider, some people call his stroider’
F ‘’ for some reason that name has made me all light headed, fierce giddy and boggle eyed loike, and likeable to fall on my ar$e and put me ring on in a very unlikely fashion’’
Frodo disappears, reappears moments later……….
Stroider ‘’get up ya little eejit and hide that shagging ring’’
Later the prancing pony is invaded by Fianna fail politicians (ie the living dead) disguised in horrendously evil black garb to make them look more human
Black Riders ‘’ Shiiiireeee, Baggggiiinnssss, The riiiiing, put on the riiiiiiiiiiing.
Vote for Bertie Ahern. 4 more years, 4 more yearsssssssssss’’
Stroider ‘’Lucky thing we was all playing poker in my room, if ye’d been in ye’re own room they’d bleeding murder ya’s….all things considered Oi think ye’d better come with me to rivendell’’
F ‘’Wot about Gandie boy??’’
St ‘’he’s in rehab, wont be out for weeks’’
O’Hobbits ‘’ Rivendell it is for sure then bejazus’’
Handses?...Knife?...String or nothing!!
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Love it Nasty, Was going to do something similar, but you saved me the effort.
"Which one of you b**tards called this b**tard a b**tard?" Long live Ockerese.
...the angels had guitars even before they had wings...
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Oi'll be t'anking ye very much loik, to be sure...er...sorry, I meant
Ta darlin, yer a bonza little sheila, no worries... I've been thinking with a bad Irish accent ever since I read Greg's posts.
Dragons is so stoopid.
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Sweet mate!
...the angels had guitars even before they had wings...
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"fair dinkum"
Just what Does that mean anyway?
How would you feel about life if Death was your older sister?
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Fair dinkum means true or genuine.
If someone is fair dinkum, they are serious, not joking or bull$hitting.
I have no idea where the expression comes from, but is it very commonly used here. Even the Prime Minister uses it when he feels the need to appear to be one of the common folk.
Its sometimes abbreviated to just "dinkum"
Fair dinkum.
Dragons is so stoopid.
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Thanks Nasty! 
How would you feel about life if Death was your older sister?
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Nice work, Nasty!
Curiouser and curiouser!
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That was bloomin' great ya drongo!
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
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Who's this Greg of Gondor, and what's he done with GregMcD?
This signature space for rent! Contact reine for details.
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GregMcD101 sleeps with the fishessses.
I've taken over now. The convesration went something like this.
Greg of Gondor ''leave now and never come back''
101 ''no fecking need to be loike that ya little shagger''
GOG ''We hates it, we hates it for ever''
101 '' can I at least take the toaster oven??''
GOG ''It's ours it is its ours and we wants it''
101 '' Ok keep the Shagging toaster, what about the Elkie Brooks collection??''
Gog ''We'll be nice to them, if they be nice to us''
101 ''Them. who the feck is them??. Are their three of us now loike. Feck this im off to the pub''
And they all lived happily ever after
Handses?...Knife?...String or nothing!!
Handses?...Knife?...String or nothing!!
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''no fecking need to be loike that ya little shagger''
the bells the bells! SANCTUARY! The bells are my friends you know...
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Is there no order to this then ye feckin' shagger?
Still mean to do my bit soon...
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
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In this latest venture the national identities of the Author and hence his creations, become stereotypical extremes of the authors homeland, translated to middle earth. If any Americans wish to play they can extol the idiosyncrasies of individual states. We start in Ireland with the O’fellowship. Can only take the Pee out of your own country
PART 1 GREGMCD101/GREG OF GONDOR
PROLOGUE
Bilbo O Baggins ‘Gandalf, look at this fine shiny magic ring, I found over dere in dat dere cave over there.
Gandalf Murphy ‘Ring is it ?’
Bilbo ‘ring aye,
Gandalf ‘Magic, is it’
‘Bilbo, magic, aye’
G ‘Magic my ar$e, you’re supposed to be here finding a shagging treasure hoard, will you go away with your fecking ring’
B ‘Feck you’
G ’feck you too you little fecker’
THE SHIRE, 60 YEARS LATER
B ‘Frodo My boyo, lets have a big shindig for our birthdays, next month like
Frodo ‘spud’ O’ Baggins ‘Shindig is it?’
B ‘Shindig, aye. A hooley, a bit o’ craic, a ceildhe.
F ‘How many people will we be a’ inviting to dis here hooley?’
B ‘Yerra, a nice round number like say 144’
F ‘144??, Jazus’
B ‘Jazus me ar$e’
F ‘We’ll be needing enough booze to float the shagging titanic’
B ‘Yerra feck it, sure it only happens every 100 years’
F ‘but your 111’
B ‘feck off ya little fecker ya’
PARTY DAY ARRIVES
KNOCK KNOCK
B ‘feck off’
G ‘ Don’t be telling me to feck off ya little fecker ya’
B ‘Gandalf, is that yourself is it, jeez, a powerful sorry, I thought it was my relatives, the mcSacksville-Baggins’’
G ‘Oh dat bunch of feckers’
B ‘feckers for sure,,,,, did you bring the auld fireworks?’
G ‘Fireworks, aye’
B ‘And the Poteen’
G ‘Potteen for sure. Barrels of the stuff. There wont be an O’Hobbit within 20 miles standing tomorrow. They’ll all be dying sure. Sick as two hospitals the shagging lot of them.
B ‘Oh sure that’s Grand so’
PARTY NIGHT
B ‘Ah jazus lads, will ye not be quiet. C’mon shut the feck up. I’m trying to make a shagging speech here before ye all pass out into coma’s like. FOR FECK SAKE SHUT SHAGGING UP’
QUIET DESCENDS
B ‘Right I was away for a while 60 years ago, and sure didn’t ye all think I was mad as a Badger or dead or both. Anyway sure didn’t I come back safe and sound with a few bob in my pocket to boot and didn’t we have a mighty Craic ever since? But now me fine lads and lasses, sure I’m a bit Knackered and Fed up, so Im gonna shag off and live with someone else, nothing personal like, sure don’t I like the most of ye, and I only barely know the rest of ye, but sure aren’t ye all fine, mighty O’hobbits. Now eat up and get pi$$ed like true O’Hobbits…….Goodbye……..DISAPPEARS
Daddytwofoot ‘where da feck is he gone??’
Roisin O’ Cotton ‘how the feck would I know, pass the shagging potteen’
BACK IN BAG END
G ‘ya fecking eejit, showing off the ring like that, no more sense than a leprechaun’
B ‘yerra feck off, with your pointy hat ya big gombeen’
G’ ‘Be careful lad, dat dere ring is fierce dangerous like’
B ‘Dangerous is it?, will you make up your fecking mind.. Sure 60 years ago ya told me to shove it up me ar…….
……….G ‘Don’t mind that now. I’ve been researching. Doing a bit of reading and stuff like. I reckon this is the one(pronounced wan) ring, the big doohickey
B ‘ Feck it. That’s a different story entirely. You’d better have it so.
G ‘ Don’t be tempting me. Sure if I had that thing it’d drive me around the twist.
B ‘We’ll I’m not keeping it, it’s fecking dangerous’
G’ We’ll leave it here a while, hide the fecking thing like, til I figure out what the feck to do with it.
B ‘Grand plan boss, I’ll be off so.
G ‘good luck to ya now’
LATER, FRODO ENTERS
F ‘Shagged off has he ?’
G’ Aye, gone to live with the Elves at Elrond’s irish pub in Rivendell. He left ya every thing, including Bag End, 40 acres of spuds, two fine new tractors, and this here ring like
F ‘Ah sure that’s fecking grand. The tractors is it? Fine tractors to be sure. Im off to the pub to get legless in celebration.
PART 2 MAD DOG MCLAGAN AUSTRALIAN
Gandalf- Hang on a sec, ya bloody gullah, ya gotta know this could be the One Ring
Frodo - What the blinkin' hell you onna `bout, Gando?
Ganalf - Now, now, don't go get yer billabong `n a twist, I'm off to find owt a few more things abowt it, 'kay?Keep it outta sight alright?I don' want no cheeky buggers pinchin` it!
17 Years later
Gandalf - Right, it's the One.
Frodo - Struth, Gando!Wanna give me a bitta warning?
Gandalf - Oy!I've been as flat out as a lizard drinkin'!Give me a bleedin' break, ya young whipper-snapper!
Frodo - Awlright, ya old bloody codger, but what's this ring ya onna bout?
Gandalf - Stone the flamin` crows!The one ya uncle gave ya!
Frodo - Aw, right.(Pulls it out of his pocket)Here it is.
Gandalf - You got kangaroos in the top paddock, boy?I told ya to keep the bloody thing safe!!
PART THREE GREG OIRISH
Gandalf Murphy ‘’ Hang on Frodo boyo, whats that rustling outside the bleedin’ winda?’’
Frodo ‘spud O’Baggins ‘’ What am I a fecking fortune teller?’’
G’’ feck you Sam Gamgee are you eaves dropping or what out there??’’
S ‘’Noo no Mr. Gandalf, I was only having a pi…………… Oh, eavesdropping, yes boss, for sure that’s it. That’s what I was doing to be sure. Eavesdropping. Aye Eavesdropping, that’s it by the hokey.
G ‘’ Ya ignorant whore, for dat dere arseing about I’ll be sending ya’s on a fierce perilous quest to be sure ya little fecker ya.
S ‘’Fair enough so, who else be going?’’
G ‘’Sure only Mr Frodo’’
S ‘’ Only him??????. Oh bollix to it, we’re shagged for sure’’
FARMER MAGGOT’S FARM
S ‘’Frodo!! Frodo!?!! Now where the fecks he got to??’’
F (reappearing) ‘’Whats up ya panicky eejit ya?’’
S ‘’that’s fecking grand, here am I all concerned like and ye call me a fecking eejit, ya little shagger ya’’
F ‘’Sorry Sa……. (bump bump fall fall) WHAT in the name of crist. Jazus what in the name of all that’s holy are you 2 little shaggers doing.??’’
Mouldy Merry and Pippin Paddy ‘’ Oh feck it we’re fierce sorry like Frodo, We never seen ya dere. We was only robbin’ a few spuds off of auld Farmer maggot . He’s not far behind us he seems a touch pi$$ed off,,,, dunno why sure its only a few spuds..
M ‘’and don’t forget the few spuds last week’’
P ‘’Oh and a few spuds the week before that’’
S ‘ shag it here he comes, run’’
BREE
S ‘’ Where the feck is Gandalf’’
F ‘’Shagged if I know’’
S’’ That dodgy looking soap sodger in the corner be eyeing you up all night Mr Frodo, either he’s bent as a fishhook or he’s up to sommat’’
F ‘’Barman who’s that dodgy fecker over in the corner yonder’’
Barman Barney O’ Buttertub ‘’Him??, dodgy as a £7 note him.. One of those farmers, always out in the bog they are. Dunno his proper name loike, but round bout here we’s be calling him ‘fecking eejit’…………………….Or Stroider, some people call his stroider’
F ‘’ for some reason that name has made me all light headed, fierce giddy and boggle eyed loike, and likeable to fall on my ar$e and put me ring on in a very unlikely fashion’’
Frodo disappears, reappears moments later……….
Stroider ‘’get up ya little eejit and hide that shagging ring’’
Later the prancing pony is invaded by Fianna fail politicians (ie the living dead) disguised in horrendously evil black garb to make them look more human
Black Riders ‘’ Shiiiireeee, Baggggiiinnssss, The riiiiing, put on the riiiiiiiiiiing.
Vote for Bertie Ahern. 4 more years, 4 more yearsssssssssss’’
Stroider ‘’Lucky thing we was all playing poker in my room, if ye’d been in ye’re own room they’d bleeding murder ya’s….all things considered Oi think ye’d better come with me to rivendell’’
F ‘’Wot about Gandie boy??’’
St ‘’he’s in rehab, wont be out for weeks’’
O’Hobbits ‘’ Rivendell it is for sure then bejazus’’
PART 4 NASTYBOY AUSTRALIAN
The Council of Elrond
Elrond; Alright you bludgers, siddown, shuddup and introduce yourselves
Gandalf: G'day
Aragorn: G'day
Boromir: G'day
Legolas: G'day
Gimli: G'day
Frodo: G'day
Sam: G'day
Merry: G'day
Pippin: G'day
Bill the Pony: G'day
Elrond: Before we start are there any bloody questions?
Gandalf: Yeah, who's the sheila?
Elrond: That's me daughter Arwen, she's servin' the beers
Gandalf: Sweet
Boromir: (whispers to Aragorn) How'd ya like to get hold of those pointy ears, eh? Know wot I mean?
Aragorn: *Glares at Boromir*
Boromir: (whispers to Gandalf) Must be a poofter
Elrond: Let's get this over with, the footy's on telly in a minute
Bilbo: I heard the score on the radio, it was won by...
All: SHUDDUP!!!!
Elrond: Righto then, who's gonna carry the bloody thing?
Frodo: I will take it, though I do not know the way
Gandalf: Bloody lovely, doesn't know the way, but he'll take it. Strike a bloody light you drongo, this is im-f***ing-portant!! Anyone know the way? No? Crikey, where's me bloody Gregory's?
Gimli: Arwen, a dwarf's not a camel. Come on girly, shake a leg.
Sam: Come on, footy's gonna start. We'll miss the ball-up.
Elrond: Bunch of wankers, fair dinkum. Ok, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you and you, take the f***ing thing, f*** off over to Mordor and chuck it in the hole, ok?
Gandalf: Fair enough
Aragorn: Fair enough
Boromir: Fair enough
Legolas: Fair enough
Gimli: Fair enough
Frodo: Fair enough
Sam: Fair enough
Merry: Fair enough
Pippin: Fair enough
Bill the Pony: Fair enough
Elrond: Right, that's sorted. Footy's on!
Boromir: Does the poofter have to come?
All: Carn the 'pies!!!
PART 5 ALIZARIN Scottish
RIVENDELL CONT'D:
Aragorn 'Arse Bandit' McElissar: Aw maw...whit'd ye go 'n' die oan is fur, ya cow? Didnae even gie's a penny ya mingey bitch! How'm a s'posed tae take a maddy if ah've nae money tae get some gear? Pure pish man, so it is.
Laird Elrond: That's no way to talk to your Mother Aragorn, show some respect you young rascal or I'll have you arrested for loitering on private property.
Arse Bandit: Shut yer hole ya bastart! 'Kin Elvish, yer a' the same in't ye? Think ye's own everythin' in Middle Earth, but ye's don't, so get it right up ye! Poncey Elvish prick wi' yer stupit pointy ears man! Whit's a' that aboot by the way? Is that so's ye can get yer big gawky milk boatles tae sty oan yer napper? Joost you wait - your time's comin' ya speccy, Spocky, spangle!
Laird Elrond: Honestly, kids - it wasn't like this in my day. *sigh*
Arse Bandit: Whit ye gonny dae aboot it ya tube?
Laird Elrond: I've had security burn your mushrooms while you've been wallowing in your own malfeasence, you ingrate!
Arse Bandit: WHIT!? Man, ah don't even know whit you joost said there, but if ye've touched ma stash, yer deid!! Ah've hid enough o' this pish - ah'm off man.
Laird Elrond: About time...and don't get any ideas about Arwen you devillish miscreant!
Arse Bandit: Gie it a rest ya knob! Nae wonder ye look like yer constipat't a' the time, walkin' roon wi' a dictionary shoved up yer arse! 'N by the way smart arse: See Arwen? See me? Ah've shagged her, she's a snide ride! Gerrit RIGHT up ye ya auld bastart!!
CARADHRAS:
Frodo 'Johnny' Baggins: Ah dinnae ken why we're up this moontin - ah'm jitterin' like a dipped sheep in wintur! Aye.
Boromir the Bastard: Sheep? Where?
Gandalf 'Gie's A Gobble' the Grey: Boromir, shut yer hole ya mank - Johnny Bag, ye goat a better idea huv ye? Know where yer goin' dae ye?
Boromir the Bastard: Goats and sheep? Yeeha! RAMPANT TOTTY!!
Gandalf: BOROMIR! Ah said SHUTIT! Ah'm no' in the mood for this pish - wrap it or ah'm gonny shove this shaft up yer shiter! Noo...whit wur ye sayin' Johnny?
Frodo: Ehh...nuthin' Big-G. Ah ken whit yer sayin'. Aye. Gonny no' call us that but, in front o' a' mah freends?
Gandalf: Gie's a gobble ya midget!
Arse Bandit: Here, wait a minute G-man - ah'm jitterin' tae...
Gandalf: *mocking* Aww...whit's up wi' you ya junkie bastart? No' take the cauld?
Arse Bandit: Get it up ye ya auld tube - ah've joost goat the munchies!
Boromir: GOATS!
Everyone: SHUTIT!
Frodo: Ah've hud it wae this pish! *stomps feet on snow, falls back down hill*
Legolas 'Longshanks': Will you lot stop arguing and get on with it?
Gimli 'Groin Grabber': SHUTYERHOLEYAFAIRY!!
Legolas storms of in a huff.
Gandalf: In the name o' th' Pope! Bunch a whinin' muppets the lot o' ye! A' because o' a wee ring. Youse make me sick - some'dy gie's a light, ah need a toke.
Boromir: Ah'll take the ring if ye want, Johnny Bag.
Frodo: Gonny no' call me that, ya bastart!
Everyone else: MAH ARSE YE WILL!
Boromir storms off in a huff.
Arse Bandit: Keep yer eye oan that mad muppet, Johnny Bag - he's aboot as useful as a paper kilt at a weddin' reception.
Frodo: Aye. Ye've goat a point there mah freend - but gonny no' call us that!!!
Frodo storms off in a huff.
PART 6 NASTY BOY OZ
Down off the Mountain
GIMLO: Stuff this for a joke Gando, I've got so much snow up me clak I'm gonna be doin' poopsicles for a week.
PIPPO: Yeah, I ain't seen so much white powder since Michael Hutchence's wake. Let's pack it in, time for smoko anyway.
MERRO: Yeah, smoko. Leggo, your turn to mull up mate.
LEGGO: Bull$hit mate, I mulled up last time, its Frodo's turn.
FRODO: Bull$hit mate, I mulled up last time, its Sammo's turn.
SAMMO: Bull$hit mate, I mulled up last time, its Gimlo's turn.
GIMLO: Bull$hit mate, I mulled up last time, its Pippo's turn.
PIPPO: Bull$hit mate, I mulled up last time, its Arro's turn.
ARRO: Bull$hit mate, I mulled up last time, its Boro's turn.
BORRO: Bull$hit mate, I mulled up last time, its Gando's turn.
GANDO: Alright, but quit lightin' ya pipes off me staff ya pack a drongos
Smoko ensues. Union rules prevent the reporting of workers activities during official non-paid breaktimes, which are a hard won entitlement earned by our union brothers over the years. Solidarity brothers!
GANDO: Righto then, let's get our arses off this mountain and look for another
way around.
GIMLO: Let's go through Moria, I gotta drop me laundry over to mum's anyway. She's got me dole form too.
GANDO: Fair enough
ARRAO: Fair enough
BORRO: Fair enough
GIMLO: Fair enough
LEGGO: Fair enough
FRODO: Fair enough
SAMMO: Fair enough
PIPPO: Fair enough
MERRO: Fair enough
BILLO: Fair enough
SAMMO: Hmmm, long way back down, and steep too, hmmmm hey Bill, you ever read The Man From Snowy River?
BILLO: Forget it shorty, ya feet don't reach the stirrups.
At the bottom again
GANDO: Looks bad boys, them crows are circlin. Either the Enemy has spies out, or there's roo roadkill up ahead.
ARRO: There's a pack of dingoes followin us too. They after the roo as well ya reckon?
GANDO: Nah, us I reckon. Better get our bums inta gear I reckon
ARRAO: I reckon
BORRO: I reckon
GIMLO: I reckon
LEGGO: I reckon
FRODO: I reckon
SAMMO: I reckon
PIPPO: I reckon
MERRO: I reckon
BILLO: I reckon
The boys hump their swags over to the "backdoor" to Moria. They all look slightly uncomfortable every time its called "backdoor".
ARRO: There 'tis. The backdoor.
BORRO: He keeps calling it that. I reckon he IS a poofter
GIMLO: I left me key in me other tunic. Bugger.
ARRAO: Bugger
BORRO: Bugger
GANDO: Bugger
LEGGO: Bugger
FRODO: Bugger
SAMMO: Bugger
PIPPO: Bugger
MERRO: Bugger
BILLO: Bugger
GANDO: Have ta work out another way in...
LEGGO: Looks like a good fishin' spot anyway. We got any bait? (eyes the halflings hopefully)
MERRO: Whatcha lookin at, mate? Don't even think it ya clown.
PIPPO: Ya clown
SAMMO: Ya clown
FRODO: Ya clown
LEGGO: Alright alright, keep ya shirt on. I got a squid jig, I'll have a go with that. Bit of calamari on the barbie tonight.
GIMLO: You couldn't catch cold ya clown
MERRO: Ya clown.
PIPPO: Ya clown
SAMMO: Ya clown
FRODO: Ya clown
LEGGO: Yeah? watch and learn boys
Leggo throws his line in to the pool and has a tad more luck than he anticipated
A large writhing tentacle inches slowly towards them.
LEGGO: Bewdy!!! Check the size of that one!!! I oughta be on Rex Hunt, fair dinkum!! Thank ya mother for the rabbits, yibbada yibbada
GANDO: YA CLOWN!!! Have ya got rocks in ya melon???!!!
*CRACK!* The door slowly swings open, and the boys rush inside. The door closes with a boom behind them, plunging them into total darkness
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Alizarin
(Tue Apr 22 10:59:36)
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| UPDATED Tue Apr 22 13:12:57 |
RIVENDELL CONT'D:
Aragorn 'Arse Bandit' McElissar: Aw maw...whit'd ye go 'n' die oan is fur, ya cow? Didnae even gie's a penny ya mingey bitch! How'm a s'posed tae take a maddy if ah've nae money tae get some gear? Pure pish man, so it is.
Laird Elrond: That's no way to talk to your Mother Aragorn, show some respect you young rascal or I'll have you arrested for loitering on private property.
Arse Bandit: Shut yer hole ya bastart! 'Kin Elvish, yer a' the same in't ye? Think ye's own everythin' in Middle Earth, but ye's don't, so get it right up ye! Poncey Elvish prick wi' yer stupit pointy ears man! Whit's a' that aboot by the way? Is that so's ye can get yer big gawky milk boatles tae sty oan yer napper? Joost you wait - your time's comin' ya speccy, Spocky, spangle!
Laird Elrond: Honestly, kids - it wasn't like this in my day. *sigh*
Arse Bandit: Whit ye gonny dae aboot it ya tube?
Laird Elrond: I've had security burn your mushrooms while you've been wallowing in your own malfeasence, you ingrate!
Arse Bandit: WHIT!? Man, ah don't even know whit you joost said there, but if ye've touched ma stash, yer deid!! Ah've hid enough o' this pish - ah'm off man.
Laird Elrond: About time...and don't get any ideas about Arwen you devillish miscreant!
Arse Bandit: Gie it a rest ya knob! Nae wonder ye look like yer constipat't a' the time, walkin' roon wi' a dictionary shoved up yer arse! 'N by the way smart arse: See Arwen? See me? Ah've shagged her, she's a snide ride! Gerrit RIGHT up ye ya auld bastart!!
CARADHRAS:
Frodo 'Johnny' Baggins: Ah dinnae ken why we're up this moontin - ah'm jitterin' like a dipped sheep in wintur! Aye.
Boromir the Bastard: Sheep? Where?
Gandalf 'Gie's A Gobble' the Grey: Boromir, shut yer hole ya mank - Johnny Bag, ye goat a better idea huv ye? Know where yer goin' dae ye?
Boromir the Bastard: Goats and sheep? Yeeha! RAMPANT TOTTY!!
Gandalf: BOROMIR! Ah said SHUTIT! Ah'm no' in the mood for this pish - wrap it or ah'm gonny shove this shaft up yer shiter! Noo...whit wur ye sayin' Johnny?
Frodo: Ehh...nuthin' Big-G. Ah ken whit yer sayin'. Aye. Gonny no' call us that but, in front o' a' mah freends?
Gandalf: Gie's a gobble ya midget!
Arse Bandit: Here, wait a minute G-man - ah'm jitterin' tae...
Gandalf: *mocking* Aww...whit's up wi' you ya junkie bastart? No' take the cauld?
Arse Bandit: Get it up ye ya auld tube - ah've joost goat the munchies!
Boromir: GOATS!
Everyone: SHUTIT!
Frodo: Ah've hud it wae this pish! *stomps feet on snow, falls back down hill*
Legolas 'Longshanks': Will you lot stop arguing and get on with it?
Gimli 'Groin Grabber': SHUTYERHOLEYAFAIRY!!
Legolas storms of in a huff.
Gandalf: In the name o' th' Pope! Bunch a whinin' muppets the lot o' ye! A' because o' a wee ring. Youse make me sick - some'dy gie's a light, ah need a toke.
Boromir: Ah'll take the ring if ye want, Johnny Bag.
Frodo: Gonny no' call me that, ya bastart!
Everyone else: MAH ARSE YE WILL!
Boromir storms off in a huff.
Arse Bandit: Keep yer eye oan that mad muppet, Johnny Bag - he's aboot as useful as a paper kilt at a weddin' reception.
Frodo: Aye. Ye've goat a point there mah freend - but gonny no' call us that!!!
Frodo storms off in a huff.
Al
:)
PS - I'll be surprised if most can follow this
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
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I've used the phrase LOL afore, but nay actually did laugh out loud til now. Had to go to the bog half way thru, peeing myself almost litterally
Handses?...Knife?...String or nothing!!
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Thanks Greg, very much!
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
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Struth yer a funny bugger Al, I near kakked me daks, fair dinkum.
LOL "speccy, Spocky, spangle" LOL
Dragons is so stoopid.
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Cheers Nasty
Heh - I don't know if it's considered bad form, but I was kinda sniggering a bit myself at the spangle line once I read it back
Al
:)
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
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I chuckle at my own too, usually at Bilbo's speech
Handses?...Knife?...String or nothing!!
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Yeah - that's class...I showed this to a couple of people while it was still just the original. That bit is guaranteed a laugh
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
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There is order, that last post was just an in character reply to a query, not part of the grand plan. Up to date compilation of work to date below . Remove yon digit
Handses?...Knife?...String or nothing!!
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| by -
Alizarin
(Tue Apr 22 09:14:43)
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| UPDATED Tue Apr 22 12:46:51 |
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
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Well, this Greg of Gondor guy is pretty funny, so I don't foresee any deep sea expeditions to recover GregMcD101. BTW, everyone, the storyboard is hilarious.
This signature space for rent! Contact reine for details.
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gregmcd 101 ''Jeez how quick you people forget''
Greg of Gondor ''go away and never come back''
101 ' feck this we did this conversation already, byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,
101 disappears into the horizon
Handses?...Knife?...String or nothing!!
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Who's GregMcD101? Why is he bothering Greg of Gondor?
This signature space for rent! Contact reine for details.
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Gaby 
"There's only one person in the whole world like you."
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the bells the bells! SANCTUARY! The bells are my friends you know...
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Gaby
"There's only one person in the whole world like you."
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*hopping up and down on one foot staring wide-eyed like a rabid rodent*
the bells the bells! SANCTUARY! The bells are my friends you know...
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Gaby
"There's only one person in the whole world like you."
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Crap. *NUUUUUUUUUUURSE!* I've been Eeyore-d again!
*dribbles*
the bells the bells! SANCTUARY! The bells are my friends you know...
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Sure you've been sending your PM's to the right person, my nutty friend?
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
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Now that you mention it....er...no...why, did I send you the wrong one again?
Oh god, I'm drooling again. *NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURSE!*
the bells the bells! SANCTUARY! The bells are my friends you know...
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And you're in charge of collating the 1001 Deaths!?!? 
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
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YOU ARE JUST PLAIN MEAN TO ME! 
I'll throw a tantrum really I will!
Why don't you try your hand at the 1001 deaths Mister Smartarse-I'm-A-Freaking-GENIUS ALIZARIN?!
the bells the bells! SANCTUARY! The bells are my friends you know...
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| by -
Alizarin
(Tue Apr 22 16:58:54)
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| UPDATED Tue Apr 22 16:59:14 |
...I'm just higher up the food chain, so watch it!
Actually, could you throw a tantrum, please? I think it would be really cute and fun: watching you run up and down the tree like your whizzed on coke, and seeing the way your little furry cheeks puff up when you hold your breath! Awwww!
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
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Why you....
YOU MAN! YOU HUMAN! YOU SQUIRREL FLASHING MEAT-EATER! YOU PORCINE BEER-SWILLING WHISKEY TOTING SPORRAN LOVER! YOU PENIS WIELDING TESTOSTERONE TRUMPET
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH
*STOMP STOMP STOMP*
the bells the bells! SANCTUARY! The bells are my friends you know...
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That's my furry love muffin! That's it! WOOOHOOOOO!
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
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.............each others pants,,just an observation. Im going to bed soon. happy sparking.
Handses?...Knife?...String or nothing!!
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Nah, he wants a red-head. I'm a purple squirrel. Human men don't tend to go for the furry lady. They want you to wax. I'd wax, but it would be too expensive.
Night!
the bells the bells! SANCTUARY! The bells are my friends you know...
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She might want into my pants, but only because they can hold a huge store of nuts!
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
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Down off the Mountain
GIMLO: Stuff this for a joke Gando, I've got so much snow up me clak I'm gonna be doin' poopsicles for a week.
PIPPO: Yeah, I ain't seen so much white powder since Michael Hutchence's wake. Let's pack it in, time for smoko anyway.
MERRO: Yeah, smoko. Leggo, your turn to mull up mate.
LEGGO: Bull$hit mate, I mulled up last time, its Frodo's turn.
FRODO: Bull$hit mate, I mulled up last time, its Sammo's turn.
SAMMO: Bull$hit mate, I mulled up last time, its Gimlo's turn.
GIMLO: Bull$hit mate, I mulled up last time, its Pippo's turn.
PIPPO: Bull$hit mate, I mulled up last time, its Arro's turn.
ARRO: Bull$hit mate, I mulled up last time, its Boro's turn.
BORRO: Bull$hit mate, I mulled up last time, its Gando's turn.
GANDO: Alright, but quit lightin' ya pipes off me staff ya pack a drongos
Smoko ensues. Union rules prevent the reporting of workers activities during official non-paid breaktimes, which are a hard won entitlement earned by our union brothers over the years. Solidarity brothers!
GANDO: Righto then, let's get our arses off this mountain and look for another
way around.
GIMLO: Let's go through Moria, I gotta drop me laundry over to mum's anyway. She's got me dole form too.
GANDO: Fair enough
ARRAO: Fair enough
BORRO: Fair enough
GIMLO: Fair enough
LEGGO: Fair enough
FRODO: Fair enough
SAMMO: Fair enough
PIPPO: Fair enough
MERRO: Fair enough
BILLO: Fair enough
SAMMO: Hmmm, long way back down, and steep too, hmmmm hey Bill, you ever read The Man From Snowy River?
BILLO: Forget it shorty, ya feet don't reach the stirrups.
At the bottom again
GANDO: Looks bad boys, them crows are circlin. Either the Enemy has spies out, or there's roo roadkill up ahead.
ARRO: There's a pack of dingoes followin us too. They after the roo as well ya reckon?
GANDO: Nah, us I reckon. Better get our bums inta gear I reckon
ARRAO: I reckon
BORRO: I reckon
GIMLO: I reckon
LEGGO: I reckon
FRODO: I reckon
SAMMO: I reckon
PIPPO: I reckon
MERRO: I reckon
BILLO: I reckon
The boys hump their swags over to the "backdoor" to Moria. They all look slightly uncomfortable every time its called "backdoor".
ARRO: There 'tis. The backdoor.
BORRO: He keeps calling it that. I reckon he IS a poofter
GIMLO: I left me key in me other tunic. Bugger.
ARRAO: Bugger
BORRO: Bugger
GANDO: Bugger
LEGGO: Bugger
FRODO: Bugger
SAMMO: Bugger
PIPPO: Bugger
MERRO: Bugger
BILLO: Bugger
GANDO: Have ta work out another way in...
LEGGO: Looks like a good fishin' spot anyway. We got any bait? (eyes the halflings hopefully)
MERRO: Whatcha lookin at, mate? Don't even think it ya clown.
PIPPO: Ya clown
SAMMO: Ya clown
FRODO: Ya clown
LEGGO: Alright alright, keep ya shirt on. I got a squid jig, I'll have a go with that. Bit of calamari on the barbie tonight.
GIMLO: You couldn't catch cold ya clown
MERRO: Ya clown.
PIPPO: Ya clown
SAMMO: Ya clown
FRODO: Ya clown
LEGGO: Yeah? watch and learn boys
Leggo throws his line in to the pool and has a tad more luck than he anticipated
A large writhing tentacle inches slowly towards them.
LEGGO: Bewdy!!! Check the size of that one!!! I oughta be on Rex Hunt, fair dinkum!! Thank ya mother for the rabbits, yibbada yibbada
GANDO: YA CLOWN!!! Have ya got rocks in ya melon???!!!
*CRACK!* The door slowly swings open, and the boys rush inside. The door closes with a boom behind them, plunging them into total darkness
To be continued in another country...
Dragons is so stoopid.
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Heh heh. Brings me back to my pineapple picking days in Bundaberg, or bannanas in Innisfail. The almost religious ceremony that was smoko, and how everyone seemed to nod off. Is narcolepsy rampant in Oz??. I shall ammend the fecking compilation (or compo) forth with
Handses?...Knife?...String or nothing!!
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A little while ago I was listening to a Kevin Bloody Wilson song - don't know the name, but it was about a kid going to school and the chorus was always the kid going "What time's f*ckin' smoko?" and you've now etched that into my brain forever!!
BTW - 'Have ya got rocks in ya melon?' Nice one.
Al
:)
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
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We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
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This message has been deleted by the poster
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| by -
Alizarin
(Fri Apr 25 09:25:19)
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| UPDATED Fri Apr 25 19:41:35 |
MORIA:
(in the darkness)
Meriadoc 'The Merry Madman' Brandybuck: Sh*te! Ah joost cacked it!
Peregrin 'Pishflaps' Took: Me tae!
Gandalf: Aye a'right...gie's a minute tae ah find mah batteries...
Gimli: Here you ya arse bandit! That's mah FACE!
Aragorn: Ehh...sorry wee man...
Gimli: Wee man? Ah'll show ye wee man!
*loud screaming ensues*
Gimli: Next time ah'll rip the meat right aff yer bone!
Aragorn: Jeezuz christ! Ah thought they ... ahhh... called ye 'groin-grabber' 'cause o'...ahhh...somethin' else...ahhhh....ahhh...mammy...
Boromir: Me tae...
Everyone else: Me tae...
Gimli: Gie it a rest or ah'll take ye's a' oan.
Gandalf: Gie's a gobble ya midget! Right...ah've found them, here goes.
*light emenates from the top of Gandalf's staff, illuminating the cavernous hallway in a swirling multi-coloured glow*
Aragorn: Ehhh...G-man, whit's wi' a' the freaky colours...ah'm takin' a whitey here.
Gandalf: Ah'm gonny kick that bastart Bakshi's arse when ah see 'im! Ho'd oan a minute...
*darkness envelopes the fellowship again*
Frodo: Get yer han' aff mah ring ya bastart!!
Aragorn: WHIT? Ah'm naewhere near ye!
Frodo: No' you...Boromir.
Boromir: Ehh...ah was joost makin' sure ye still hud it...
Gandalf: Wrap that pish you lot...right here goes again.
*this time a pale white light filters out from the top of Gandalf's staff, and everyone notices the corpses of dwarves strewn around*
Gimli: AW NAW!
Boromir: Holee sh*t! Looks like a Bay City Rollers convention in here!
Merry: Aw no' again...
Legolas: I suggest we move on.
Gandalf: Well we're hardly gonny walk backwards through 40 feet o' rock, ur we ya donkey?
Legolas: I was simply stating -
Gandalf: Gie's a gobble ya fairy! Right everybody, efter me and don't make any noise or ah'll turn ye's a' intae Partick Thistle supporters.
****FURTHER ON****
Frodo: Whit's wrang Big-G?
Gandalf: Ehh...nuthin'...mah feet ur a bit sore wi' a' this walkin'.
Boromir: Pish. Ye don't know where yer goin' dae ye, ya decrepit auld mank?
Merry: Ah'm pure Hank Marvin by the way.
Pishflaps: Me tae.
Gandalf:Joost shutit ya bunch o' whinin' muppets.
Frodo: Here, wait a minute Gandy...there's sumday doon there followin' us.
Gandalf: Aye ah know, it's Gollum - two faced wee sh*te.
Frodo: Ye know a'ready an' never said - ur ye mental? Ye tryin' tae put the shiters up us or whit? You're losin' it ya auld diddy!
Gandalf: Shut yer hole you and show some respect fer yer elders! Besides, ah've goat a funny feelin' Gollum might be really important later - know whit ah mean? Eh? Eh?
Boromir: GO-
Everyone: SHUTIT!
Frodo: G-man, you talk wan whack o' pish sometimes: Big Bill the Butcher shoulda chibbed that wee freak when 'e hud the chance.
Gandalf: Look Johnny Bag - Many that die deserve...naw wait a minute, ehhh...those who deserve lif....naw, ho'd oan....many roads must a man...ehhh, naw, that's no' it either...ehhh...life moves pretty fast, if ye don't stoap an' look aroon'...aw sh*te! Look never mind, joost shut it and dae whit yer telt ya hairy freak, or ah'll shove this staff so far up yer hole ye'll be shitin' toothpicks fer a month!!
Frodo storms off in a huff and hides in a corner.
Gandalf: Right everybody - aff yer arses, time tae go.
Aragorn: Finally hud a wee relapse in the senile dementia?
Gandalf: Naw smart arse - ah can smell yer maw's knickers doon this way!
Aragorn storms off to join Frodo.
Al
:)
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
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I´m laughing so hard I´m crying..... ahhh.
I´d like to get all of that read out. HEARING it must be deadly!
Knowledge is Power. Power corrupts.
Study hard. Be evil.
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Thank you, thank you...I'd like to thank my cat, my mother, the milkman, the nightshift workers at Asda...
You're right, hearing it would help. It'd be pure gallas by the way ya mad cow!!
Al
:)
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
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| by -
xTrinityx
(Sat Apr 26 08:38:59)
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| UPDATED Sat Apr 26 11:29:10 |
OMG!!!......ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!
That was HILARIOUS!!!! I LOVE IT!!!
I don't know how I missed this before. I just followed Al's link in that thread LisaQ started...
Greg, Nasty, Al,Mad Dog, et al..   LOL.....
I'm going to print this out
BTW, ROFLMFAO in this particular instance means: Rolling On The Floor Laughing My "Fecking" "Arse" Off  hehe
"...All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
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Gandalf: 'ey la, is dere an ale'ouse anywhere raaand ere I need a f*ck'n bevvy.
Gimli: Ahh, mate, youse shoulda got some cheap ale from de offy before we left, like, dey charge a small fortune daaan ere mate, yer'll ave nonnerya dole left.
Gandalf: F*ckih I'm skint anyway like.
Gimli: 'ee 'are, what's goin on ere?!
*Gimli runs to Balin's tomb, others follow*
Gandalf:F*ck'n 'ell, someone gorr'ere n did de place over before we gorriere! F*ck'n bastards!
Legolas: 'ey Gimli, wasn't dat de baird y'shagged raaand d'back d'Adelphi like?
Gimli: Nah, can't be, not or'nge enough la.
Gandalf: F*ck'n Mancs. Nob-eds.
Aragorn: Mancs or goblins?
Gandalf: Oo gives a fly'n f*ck, dere d same ting like.
*Pippin, fiddling with skeleton, knocks it down the well*
Gandalf: Fool of a Took! I'll f*ck'n chuck yew daaan dere next time yer f*ck'n tick'ed. F*ck'n beaut.
Pippin: Ah burrah gorriz wallet like, we can go n get bevvied now like!
Merry: Arrr, nice one mate, anudda bender!
Boromir: Eh, is dere a gig on in ere like?
Gandalf: No I tink dats dem goblins like, f*ck'n caus'n aggro like.
Boromir: Mate, dats f*ck'n arlarse, we didn't do nott'n like!
Legolas: Well we've no chance of doin' one now, we'll ave ter f*ck'n ave em.
Gimli: Is right! Come'ed!
*Battle with goblins ensues; much headbutting*
Gandalf: EY!
Gimli: EY!
Legolas: EY!
Boromir: EY!
Aragorn: EY!
Frodo: EY!
Sam: EY!
Merry: EY!
Pippin: EY!
Gandalf: EY!
Gimli: EY!
Legolas: EY!
Boromir: EY!
Aragorn: EY!
Frodo: EY!
Sam: EY!
Merry: EY!
Pippin: EY!
Gandalf: Aa'rite aa'rite, calm down calm down yewse, we'd better f*ck'n leg it b'fore d bizzies get out like.
Boromir: Can we get bevvied now like yewse loh?
*On way out Legolas kicks dying goblin*
Aragorn: Sack irrof, la!
Legolas: Buh d f*ck'n arsebandit ripped me LaCoste tracky la! Woss d f*ck'n need in darray?
Aragorn: Yerwah?! Yuzzavgorrundredsovem y'nob'ed!
the bells the bells! SANCTUARY! The bells are my friends you know...
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Ere, y'know wha'? Dat was sound, like!
LMAO
Read some out to Jo...but couldn't quite keep myself from giggling when I did it.
Al
:)
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
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*wipes perspiration from brow*
Wasn't sure if it would work - I was waiting for a battle scene just to have them all stood round going "ey ey ey ey ey ey" at each other.
Of course, you have to picture them in shell-suits with perms - Legolas and Gandalf included - and with a look of bewilderment on their faces.
Never let it be said that Scousers can't take the piss out of themselves!
the bells the bells! SANCTUARY! The bells are my friends you know...
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Well, I do have the upper hand compared to most here I guess, so it wasn't hard to imagine
The British people on here are probably familiar enough with Harry Enfield to get the joke - dunno about the rest. Maybe we should record this when it's done
Al
:)
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Record what? EH?!
Yeah, that's what I was worried about...then again I'm sure they can get hold of some Harry Enfield Scouser clips off the internet, assuming they have the time... I guess Greg will get it...and I noticed Piccolo lurking round, though I'm not sure how he'll take it...
I tried my best!
PS you have at least one PM that I know of. Nudge nudge hint hint.
the bells the bells! SANCTUARY! The bells are my friends you know...
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Yeah yeah...I know about the PM's - just popping me 'ed in. I'm off to get a creme egg McFlurry! Bwahahaha!!!
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
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Fine...but you'll miss the pic if you're too slow you greedy bugger!
the bells the bells! SANCTUARY! The bells are my friends you know...
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I'd missed that PM actually...thanks. Just thought I'd reply before I tuck into my McFlurry.
You do have kinda puffy cheeks!
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
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I HATE IT! WHY?! WHY MUST PEOPLE SAY THESE THINGS?!
Frickin cheeks. I've going to bloody well cut them off.
the bells the bells! SANCTUARY! The bells are my friends you know...
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Nice pic, oh squirrelish one. Back from my sis's wedding. Feel as poorly as a small hospital. excuse the interruption, flirt away
Handses?...Knife?...String or nothing!!
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Thanks...though I'm looking a bit, erm, odd. Take it you had a good time at the wedding then?!
Haggis breath might be flirting, I'm just getting annoyed . It's the cheeks thing. Does get to me! Somehow that bloody Alizarin finds the things that irk me most and picks me up on them.
the bells the bells! SANCTUARY! The bells are my friends you know...
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Haggis breath!! The people who know how to push other peoples buttons are usually in luuuuve. It was a fine craic at the wedding to be sure, to be sure. I caught the bouqet, but only cos my niece threw it at me, she's tryiong to marry me off. She wants to be my best woman. Sweet girl, mad as a badger
Handses?...Knife?...String or nothing!!
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You're OK as long as she doesn't try to marry you off to a badger. Start worrying then. You caught the bouqet?! There's an image and a half!
the bells the bells! SANCTUARY! The bells are my friends you know...
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LOL....that was heavy. Some of it went *whoosh* over the head, but I got enough of it for a laugh.
"...All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
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Well I'm glad at least some of it makes sense!
I never thought I'd be plugging Harry Enfield - but if you have time, it's probably worth trying to find a clip of him doing the Scousers. That should help.
the bells the bells! SANCTUARY! The bells are my friends you know...
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I will definitely try to do that.
"...All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
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Okay, I'm Australian, but I watch the Bill, so this is the equation in my head
Liverpool = Scouse, flat cap, Jack Meadows, Des Taviner, Cas Rickman
How accurate is that?
Test one, test two, test three and four, ya test me like a water in El Salvadore!
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Flat cap?! I'd like to see more Scousers in flat caps.
As far as the Bill goes, Des Taviner is a proper Scouser, Paul Usher used to be in Brookside. That's a sure sign. Barry Grant was a great character. I'm not a Bill watcher, but from what I gather, the bloke who plays Jack Meadows is a Yorkshireman.
One of them was accurate. Thing is, a few people outside the UK I've spoken to have known about the Scouse stereotype, so I wasn't sure how many would get the joke...all you really need to know is Harry Enfield - if you can get a clip of Harry Enfield doing the Scousers, you've pretty much got it all there. That's about right.
the bells the bells! SANCTUARY! The bells are my friends you know...
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OK, I got the "Ey" parts.... that´s about it.
I´m going to search Google to find some stuff by this Enfield person... I DO need a sound to figure out what´s written there!
Knowledge is Power. Power corrupts.
Study hard. Be evil.
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For the reasons that i spent a lot of time getting bevvied up in Liverpool, and spent a lot of that time pi$$ing myself with laughter. Had to change favoutite line selection maybe 10 times but went for
Gandalf: No I tink dats dem goblins like, f*ck'n caus'n aggro like.
simply cos I would love to see Sir Ian perform it so. Bravo
Handses?...Knife?...String or nothing!!
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I know the Liverpool accent. But my mind can not wrap around that one.
I get bits and pieces. It is hard to believe that is the same language.
No I am not stupid. I am ridiculous
 
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Gandalf: 'ey la, is dere an ale'ouse anywhere raaand ere I need a f*ck'n bevvy.
I wish to go to a public house for some beer
Gimli: Ahh, mate, youse shoulda got some cheap ale from de offy before we left, like, dey charge a small fortune daaan ere mate, yer'll ave nonnerya dole left.
One should have gone to the liquer store before one left. Beer is awfully expensive down here you will be forcwd to spend all your social security benefits for the transient pleasure of drunkenness
Gandalf: F*ckih I'm skint anyway like.
I am already short of cash
Gimli: 'ee 'are, what's goin on ere?!
Hello?? what do I espy thru yonder door?
*Gimli runs to Balin's tomb, others follow*
Gandalf:F*ck'n 'ell, someone gorr'ere n did de place over before we gorriere! F*ck'n bastards!
Some bad people appear to have ransacked this establishment already. Dash it all, I was planning to do that
Legolas: 'ey Gimli, wasn't dat de baird y'shagged raaand d'back d'Adelphi like?
Gimli, that skeleton over there bares a striking resembelance to the female you had intercourse with around the back of the hotel last night
Gimli: Nah, can't be, not or'nge enough la.
I believe you are in error. The female in question was more orange
Gandalf: F*ck'n Mancs. Nob-eds.
for reasons known only to the original author, Gandalf deems this an appropriate time to voice the opinion that the good people of Manchester are Knob heads
Aragorn: Mancs or goblins?
To whom are you referring, mancunians or orcs
Gandalf: Oo gives a fly'n f*ck, dere d same ting like.
personally I deem there to be little difference
*Pippin, fiddling with skeleton, knocks it down the well*
Gandalf: Fool of a Took! I'll f*ck'n chuck yew daaan dere next time yer f*ck'n tick'ed. F*ck'n beaut.
be careful young pippin or as a jape I shall throw you down there also next time
Pippin: Ah burrah gorriz wallet like, we can go n get bevvied now like!
On the plus side, I have stolen the skeletons wallet. Now we can afford much beer
Merry: Arrr, nice one mate, anudda bender
good for you old chap. I suggest we have much beer
Boromir: Eh, is dere a gig on in ere like?
I wonder what is causing that awful nois
Gandalf: No I tink dats dem goblins like, f*ck'n caus'n aggro like.
I believe we are in for some trouble with orcs
Boromir: Mate, dats f*ck'n arlarse, we didn't do nott'n like!
that is a bad attitude those orcs display. We meant them no harm, why should they wish to bother ud
Legolas: Well we've no chance of doin' one now, we'll ave ter f*ck'n ave em.
We appear to have lost the opportunity to flee. I'm afraid violence appears inevitable at this juncture
Gimli: Is right! Come'ed!
lets be having them chaps
*Battle with goblins ensues; much headbutting*
Gandalf: EY! take that you bounder
Gimli: EY! take that you bounder
Legolas: EY! take that you bounder
Boromir: EY! take that you bounder
Aragorn: EY! take that you bounder
Frodo: EY! take that you bounder
Sam: EY! take that you bounder
Merry: EY! take that you bounder
Pippin: EY! take that you bounder
Gandalf: EY! take that you bounder
Gimli: EY! take that you bounder
Legolas: EY! take that you bounder
Boromir: EY! take that you bounder
Aragorn: EY! take that you bounder
Frodo: EY! take that you bounder
Sam: EY! take that you bounder
Merry: EY! take that you bounder
Pippin: EY! take that you bounder
Gandalf: Aa'rite aa'rite, calm down calm down yewse, we'd better f*ck'n leg it b'fore d bizzies get out like. ok lads a bit of quiet if you please. I suggest we leave before the police arrive
Boromir: Can we get bevvied now like yewse loh?I wish to have some alcohol
*On way out Legolas kicks dying goblin*
Aragorn: Sack irrof, la! Take it off, now ????
Legolas: Buh d f*ck'n arsebandit ripped me LaCoste tracky la! Woss d f*ck'n need in darray? but that nasty homosexual ripped my expensive clothing. Now why on earth did he want to go and do that
Aragorn: Yerwah?! Yuzzavgorrundredsovem y'nob'ed!Excuse me. I feel the need to visit some physical violence upon you for that remark
Handses?...Knife?...String or nothing!!
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That was so damn funny. I LOVED the translation. Perfect. Really perfect.
No I am not stupid. I am ridiculous
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That translation was priceless.
Curiouser and curiouser!
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LOL
"...All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
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Perhaps I should have provided a translation myself, though I think yours is pretty damn good Greg!
Sack it off...stop it now. Other than that, I'd say it was a pretty comprehensive translation, never mind bloody hilarious!
the bells the bells! SANCTUARY! The bells are my friends you know...
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These are all brilliant! Love 'em!
I would do one for Germany/Bavaria, if I wasn't sure that by this point, they'd still be sitting in Rivendell filling in forms to get permission to breathe on Tuesdays and Fridays.
...And you have my bow...
Now give it back!
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Gaby
"There's only one person in the whole world like you."
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bump
hehe
Sarcasm
Just one more service I offer.
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Sarcasm
Just one more service I offer.
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| by -
sinaes
17 hours ago (Sat Jul 19 11:41:47)
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I'm like a good haines t-shirt: tagless
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Wow, you guys really have no idea how Australians actually talk do you!? I can appreciate that this was done in good humour, but the language used in over 90% of the Australian skit hasn't seen the light of day in over 50 years. Stereotypes are the innocent cousins of racism in my book.
Then we ate some mescaline and went swimming - Hunter S. Thompson.
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Hmmmmmmmm, I do have an idea how Australians talk, being an Australian myself.And I don't say any of those things.The actual point is to lampoon the stereotypes.
The way the modern day Australain teenager talks:
Fully sick, mate!
Er, how about no?That's NOT 50 goods!
Oy, can I borrow fitty cent?
What shoes are they, globe?Pffft, check out me Etnies!
Yeah, right, you can kick-flip but do you have a sub-woofer?
I know this, and so do you.People overseas DON'T.It's not 50 goods!
Whoah, who spiked the Egg Nog?
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huh???????????????
    
Ah, Hells Bells, Jim, I almost puked up my livers!
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